“Feelings, even painful ones, eventually pass.” how to listen to yourself without letting yourself get overwhelmed

While we (almost) agree on the imperative to preserve the planet, times also turn to the ecology of our emotions: avoid excesses, excesses, develop balance, love without destroying, control your anger, restore what you can have. damaged, save your energy… Is it possible? Does this make sense? Is this a common path? Testimony and responses from experts in a five-part cycle.

Discover what drains us

Hellish pace, conflicting directives, uncertain future, we are developing in a world that is exhausting in terms of affects. Corinne Maier, economist and psychoanalyst, author Me first! Manifesto of feminine selfishness (Éditions de l’Observatoire), notes: “We have long believed that we can control everything wrongly.” Facing one crisis after another, we are overwhelmed by a sense of the end of the world. “Climatic events are increasing. Very quickly, the habitable part of the Earth will be significantly reduced,” commented Dominique Burg, a specialist in environmental political philosophy. Added to the anxiety or alarm is the anger, panic, even violence that has arisen “between the available scientific information and the lack of response from the political class.” Encountering this emotional clip, a huge tension grips us. Since the 1960s, society has certainly emancipated itself from the point of view of expressing emotions, a phenomenon that has been reinforced by the proliferation of intimate things on social media since the 2000s. However, as Hervé Mazurel, a historian of sensibility, assures us, we remain Descartes’ heirs; our senses and our body continue to be forgotten in favor of the pure mind.

Biologist Olivier Hamant, author of the latter The antidote to the cult of performance (col. Tracts, Éd. Gallimard), even believes that our age is “becoming desensitized.” One example among others. many can no longer stand being brushed on the subway. “Society demands performance, even perfection, in every aspect of our lives and forces us to always do more,” adds Corinne Mayer. A demand that is growing for women who must constantly manage family, career and social life. Anne van Hyft is a mental, emotional and verbal self-defense coach. An experience he recounts in a comic book, Stand up for yourself, created with designer Kay Lam (Ed. L’Iconoclaste). He also agrees with the idea that excessive emotional rigidity drains us. “Just when we try to control them, anxiety or panic attacks appear. We think of our emotions as enemies, even though they warn us of error. This attempt at permanent correction or management is exhausting and futile. We think we can absorb everything … until the overflowing moment.”

Create a virtuous ecosystem

Once exposed and enlightened, this emotional outpouring requires finding breaths and breaks. “It is not because the world is sad that we should allow ourselves to be overcome by sad passions. The opposite. The best antidote. Cultivate friendships that bring joy,” advises Dominique Burg. Therefore, we must supplement our negative influences with other passions, as Spinoza encouraged; to act with others, to recharge our batteries in nature, to not let anxiety consume us. Olivier Hamant believes that on the scale of life, “it is when beings are in crisis that they most need to be genetically mixed. In a system that is collapsing, we must help each other, multiply our connections and diversify our resources to better meet the challenges.” What might the ecology of existence look like from this perspective? Anne van Hyft recommends approaching the ecosystem where each emotion plays a precise enough role: sadness when it comes to separation, goodbye, disgust when it comes to making a decision and leaving, joy when it comes to sharing, fear. which also does its job to protect itself, anger to expose injustices.

What about the helplessness that is everywhere in our daily lives? Let us not think that it overwhelms us, diminishes us by absorbing us completely. Let’s not be afraid to listen to it, because it also has its utility and can even become a driving force for action, says designer Kay Lam, who believes that his creativity is fueled by his inner need for a fairer world. Jean-Philippe Pierron, author I Am Us, A Philosophical Exploration of Our Interdependence with Living Beings (Éditions Actes Sud), also considers that “anxiety is useful”, an inevitable path to commitment, to action, the best solution to helplessness. Florence Servan-Schreiber, a journalist and speaker specializing in positive psychology, happily takes the opposite approach to helplessness. he reminds us that we can feel helpless before a sunset, a landscape, in short, before an explosion of beauty. We didn’t search for it, want it, build it, we didn’t fight for it. But the beauty is there, and we suddenly receive it as a gift of life.

In a system that is collapsing, we must help each other, multiply our connections and diversify our resources.

Olivier Hamant, biologist

Skip it

Get rid of the guilt. “Emotions are generated by an obsolete part of our brain. Just as pain is a symptom of crushed nerves, emotions reflect a spontaneous response to an event,” recalls Florence Servan-Schreiber. As a result, it is impossible to be positive all the time, despite the smooth images of happiness conveyed by social networks. On the other hand, “we can make progress by absorbing and digesting them, for example by remembering that feelings, even painful ones, eventually pass like a train. We feel that they are gaining strength, but they eventually deflate.” It is useful when everyday life is full of inconveniences. “If someone makes an offensive remark to you during a meeting, acknowledge the unpleasantness, but put it aside to refocus on the present moment. You’re in your seat and no bombs went off. You will have time to analyze the arguments later,” says the journalist.

Thanks to the emotional self-defense course he followed, Kay Lam learned to train “to quickly regain control of the event, observation.” Everything is a cycle in confrontations. “In my workshop we shout, it’s a joy,” Ann van Hyft rejoices. And good news. The “sex of emotions” can evolve depending on the times and societies. “In LIliad, Achilles, the excellent hero, wept. Roman emperors also cried in public,” recalls Hervé Mazurel. Therefore, gender assignments of emotions are not immutable. Just like the demand for profitability and speed. Olivier Hamant is one of those who encourages a world where boredom holds the charm, right and place that favors creativity and the feeling of one’s own emotions. A world where the coffee break, not productive, nevertheless strengthens social connections, random innovations (valuable informal discussions!), as well as the bond of belonging.

Save your resources

A little tact to refrain from trying affects and contribute to the constructive is really a necessity in a harsh world to combat adversity. Anne van Hyft recalls that her mixed workshops deconstruct the precepts of male and female and thereby reaffirm the need for alliance with others. As in ecology, you have to save your resources, combine, take a side path. “Sometimes we don’t have the strength to educate the one who attacked us. The confrontation is not systematic, there is no obligation to do so. We can also run away,” advises Anne van Heifte without feeling guilty. Because the goal is to save money.

in L’Iliad, Achilles, the excellent hero, wept. Roman emperors also wept in public

Hervé Mazurel, historian

“We have never had so much need… and so much fear of a group,” analyzes psychotherapist Pascal Aubrit. If being together is relaxing, a more diverse collective allows us to grow and design a shared future. And this future will only be imagined from a super-efficient system, but one that exhausts its resources and is therefore headed for its own demise, with a transition to a robust system that can last while adapting to fluctuations, argues Oliver Hamant. Optimistic, the latter is convinced that “a healthy group, which aims to reunite people from a social, economic, emotional point of view, will end up multiplying agro-ecological projects, “repairing everything” or participatory housing. “. In short, the strong is meant to rejoice.

Cultivate joy

“Joy, which is more an emotion than a feeling, because it is shorter, more spontaneous than happiness, seems more accessible to us today, given the very worrying ecological and geopolitical contexts,” analyzes Hervé Mazurel. For Florence Servan-Schreiber, the best antidote to anxiety is “refocusing on the present moment.” A morning ristretto, a laugh shared with a loved one, a good movie under the covers… Gratitude is also helpful. “When we are carried away by negative things, we think for two minutes and always find reasons to be happy,” he assures. But focusing on the positive takes effort because we are often overwhelmed by the negative, which attracts us far more than the positive. Being aware of this is the first step to “cherishing, savoring and noticing these positive emotions.” Corinne Mayer also encourages us to welcome the beauties of the unexpected, a way to escape constant control. The selfishness he preaches is not withdrawal but reaffirmation; “Let’s not sacrifice this important thing for us to live,” he insists. Florence Servan-Schreiber agrees. “Individual happiness is also the path to collective happiness. If I feel good, then I can do things for others.”