“Many men deceive themselves into thinking they are doing their part when they are not.” a manifesto of feminine selfishness

Remember Chanel’s launch of Égoïste for men in the 1980s? A fragrance that aims to paint “an olfactory portrait of a man of character, fascinating and elusive”, if the advertising documents of the time are to be believed. in #MeFirst! Manifesto of feminine selfishness, Corinne Mayer wonders if men have more right to be selfish than women. “We consider it to be the nature of the first, while we traditionally associate the female gender with gentleness, tenderness, altruism. In almost all countries, it is women who are responsible for caring for the family, children and elderly parents. The well-known care…” the author observes. And, in fact, women do 75% of unpaid care and support work worldwide and spend three times as much time on housework and four times as much time on childcare as men. What if after #MeToo it was time to launch #MeFirst?

Madame Figaro. – What do you mean by selfishness?
Corinne Mayer. – The selfishness I’m talking about is not tied to “my house, my husband, my job, my children” that limits my horizons, nor to competition where we try to crush others to improve their lot. . I’m talking about a form of freedom and independence, an inner compass to follow; it is living for yourself, not stepping aside for the welfare of others as the norm suggests. social. Sure, it’s great to take care of others, but why is there such a gender disparity in the distribution of tasks? Women have less time for themselves and are much more tired, as a number of studies have shown. Today, 17% of unemployed women have left work to care for a loved one, compared to 1% of men; 75% of part-time jobs are held by young mothers after giving birth, and only 18% of companies are run by a CEO…

What do you think drives women to such alienation?
Love, of course. “The word love does not have exactly the same meaning for the two sexes, and this is one of the sources of serious misunderstandings that separate them… Love is not only an occupation in a man’s life, while he is his very life. the woman,” remarked Simone de Beauvoir Second gender. Love is mated very early in the female. Researchers have noticed that from a young age, girls seek approval more than boys and do everything to get it. From the playground, they play love games, be it for a future husband or a child, when their male peers prefer competitive games… Girls are expected to be good, reserved, hardworking… anything but selfish.

You claim that there is a second economy, as there is a second gender… That is.
I borrowed the term from Kathryn Marchal, who wrote Adam Smith’s dinner. The latter, author The wealth of nations (In 1776, Editor’s Note), defined the broad contours of economic liberalism. wealth comes from work, and work is conditioned by interest and profit. In fact, there is a formal economy of exchange of goods and services, but there is also another, the economy of facilitation, in which women perform unpaid tasks, from cooking to organizing children’s daycare. Without this second economy, the first would collapse. without women to calm them, men would not be able to go about their business. It’s about shaking up the norms so they can participate more in this invisible economy. It is wrong to think that the situation has changed. Despite the improvement in the status of women in Western countries, the distribution of household chores between men and women has not changed for several decades.

Are you talking? baby wash : explanation…?
This is the idea according to which women today can reconcile professional life, children and relationships, because “it’s all a matter of organization”. It’s all about finances, and it’s actually combining two jobs, one paid, the other not, the latter hindering the former’s promotion and salary prospects. Then we tend to idealize everything about the child; Fathers today do more than fathers did in the past, but since all fathers cared for their children more than thirty years ago, we are left with a ratio of one-third for men to two-thirds for women. …

Today, 17% of unemployed women have left work to care for a loved one, compared to 1% of men.

Corinne Mayer

So the woman will always come second.
In romantic relationships, women tend to shape their bodies and faces, as well as their words, in an attempt to match what they imagine their male partner expects; #I am the first! Benoit Groult, Georges Sand, Clara Mulrault, who, motivated by love, adapted their tastes, hobbies, interests to their husbands…

Are you advocating ego therapy? What does it consist of?
First, carve out a place for yourself: Virginia Woolf’s famous Room of One’s Own. Or a room that is locked, if possible outside the family sphere, to isolate yourself and keep to yourself. You should also pay attention to the choice of your spouse. Will he be ready to spread his wings in a family environment? A lot of men run an egalitarian discourse and fool themselves into thinking they’re doing their part, when that’s not true, as the numbers show. This is where the question of children arises. their arrival marks the moment when the inequality in the distribution of household chores within the couple flares up. We expect a lot of involvement from mothers, much greater than twenty or thirty years ago; you should breastfeed, spend all your time with your baby, take care of all his physical and psychological needs. So why not dare to be? without a child or assume to be a “bad” mother or even a “bad” daughter. » And there’s no reason why a father shouldn’t also wet his shirt when he goes to pick up the kids from karate or the violin, and why sons and sons-in-law shouldn’t also take care of elderly parents…