Mental workload. What are the implications for women’s health, careers and money?

since the publication of I had to ask! (signed Emma, ​​Ed. Massot), a comic book with the revealing title, “mental strain” has become the most common, specific, and general phrase to describe what many women experience every day and at all ages. A star in the fight for gender equality, somehow. In 2017, therefore, Emma discovered the word, but did not invent it. As early as 1984, the French sociologist Monique Haycole defined mental overload as “thinking about things belonging to two physically separate worlds at the same time”, mentally listing shopping in the evening or running out of groceries while still at work, for example… Larouse recently officially stated that it exists. This “invisible work” was described this time as a “psychological burden that falls more heavily on women, managing household and educational problems, causing physical and, above all, psychological fatigue. Acknowledgment:

However, in 2023, and despite this undeniable lexical progress, it seems that nothing has really changed. According to a recent Ipsos survey (2023), more than 63% of women are concerned about mental workload, compared to only 36% of men. Organizing the start of the school year, shopping, medical appointments and vacations… In the big game of who does what, they remain the predictor, organizer, distributor and planner.

What consequences does this have on their health, work, and finances? The question arises when, as a McKinsey survey told us this year, a female executive resigns for two promotions, faced with the difficulty of combining an important position with this invisible burden. Declassification with Titio Lecoq, journalist and author Released! The feminist battle is being won over a basket of dirty laundry (Ed. Fayard, 2017) and Couple and money (Ed. L’Iconoclast, 2022).

Madame Figaro. – Six years after the Emma comic, what is your observation? Is the mental load better distributed between men and women?

Titiou Lecoq. – There are still no clear sociological studies on this issue, but I have the impression that women have understood the concept well. Before Emma’s comic, they didn’t have a word to describe what they were experiencing, this invisible weight they were carrying, and they recognized themselves as both: a mental burden. This concept gave them a verbal tool, allowed for common awareness and was invited to a conversation, as a couple, between friends… It was already so important. Six years later, this accusation has not disappeared at all. It is often confused with task sharing, which is not the same thing. It is not necessary that there are solutions. But it’s good when you can tell the other person.

“Time is money,” the saying goes. Is there a cost to this time invested in anticipating, organizing for others? ?

Of course! We even see it very concretely, because in companies we still often find out that a position becomes available after 19:00, that a person is promoted to a position. Women are losing the information advantage, hearing about one opportunity after another. Managing the mental load alone or almost alone also means fewer working hours and less overtime. You are less considered for important positions. So yes, the whole thing has an undeniable financial cost. Not to mention that even today, as the numbers say, childless men have less successful careers than fathers, while the opposite is true for women. Meanwhile, I try to imagine the luxury of pursuing a career without having to deal with the constant Tetris of family life. Granted, it must be crazy.

I try to imagine the luxury of pursuing a career without having to deal with the constant Tetris of family life

Titiou Lecoq, author and journalist

How to better balance things from a financial perspective ?

We can ask ourselves the question, especially when we cannot achieve a 50-50 distribution of money within the couple. Does all this attention invested this time have no value and, in particular, no economic value? You should be able to tell your partner: “Since I’m basically carrying all this mental burden, I have to reduce my contribution to the joint account because I’m contributing my share in a different way, managing the house.” We could also, to accept positively, increase women’s shares in the apartment, couple’s savings. Provide them with financial security even if they don’t pay all their bills because they invest differently in the home and also allow the man to free up more time for his own career. They give so much. This, I think, is worth balancing…

Women give so much. This is well worth balancing…

Titiou Lecoq, author and journalist

Digital tools that are supposed to liberate women or help them share better have also become a burden. Now we are talking about digital cargo…

Yes, WhatsApp groups are a good example. We need to see the number of groups we have today that should make our lives easier (for school, dinner, general gifts, etc.). Among them are men, but it is often women who respond to the messages. Because, in general, they are still in charge of the social relations of the couple and the family. They think of birthdays, gifts, even their in-laws. It is known. “I thought it for your mother…” In fact, today two burdens coincide: the mental burden and the guilt of saying “I didn’t answer”. It is a trap because from this state of constant control we also draw a form of power.

How can we ensure that things actually grow?

There is no general rule, each couple can define their own ideal. Studies show that there is a threshold of tolerable inequality that varies from person to person. The couples that do best aren’t necessarily the ones that aim for a 50-50 split, but the ones where the woman is able to ask herself: What am I willing to let go of? It also depends on the age of the children. But we can easily identify the three obligations that weigh us down the most. in my case, i know i can’t stand doing laundry anymore, others struggle to always be the one who has to come home early in the evening. In order for things to happen, we must be ready to accept, if we switch roles, that things are not done our way. It’s not serious…

In order for things to happen, we have to be willing to accept that things aren’t going our way

Titiou Lecoq, author and journalist

Does this mean we should learn to make ourselves unavailable? ?

Absolutely. There is one point that is rarely addressed in mental overload, which is emotional overload. Being the one to take in all the family’s emotions, manage the conflicts, listen, absorb the sadness or pain is exhausting. This role can also be better shared. We may not see equality in our lifetime, but I like this sentence by writer Annie Erno, who says: “Struggle is also life.”