Finding ways to make the relationship positive for both of you is an essential attitude.
Finding security and purpose in a relationship is what all couples tend to look for in order to maintain the companionship they share with each other. However, this feeling must be cared for and nurtured in order for both people to feel satisfied and content in the relationship. Love between people is just one of the pillars capable of sustaining affective exchange.
How to maintain a long distance relationship?
When the subject is distance, it is common that there is resistance to thinking about how the relationship can work. Whether for work, studies, family logistics or other reasons, many relationships can start this way or need to deal with geographic separation at some point. In this sense, certain attitudes can help alleviate the anguish between couples.
“A couple that is at a distance goes through challenges and issues that the other is not by their side, following up on a daily basis. So, we need to translate, explain and let the other also participate in this life, even from a distance”, explains psychologist and couple therapist, Naiara Vitoy.
Check out the top 10 tips for maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship below.
1. Talk openly about feelings
communication well-structured, assertive and generous is key to maintaining any relationship. When the other person is at a distance, thinking about ways to speak objectively and descriptively about emotions becomes even more fundamental and prevents the creation of divergent scenarios from the reality of feelings.
The expert considers that talking about yourself, in a way that explains the perspective of a given situation, instead of projecting judgments on the actions of the other person, helps both parties involved in the relationship. “Allow this space to also happen for the other person to talk about their feelings, how they are feeling and their needs. So, it’s feeling and need: how I feel and what I need,” she says.
Understand individual satisfaction
Another point is to talk about the satisfaction of the other within this model of relationship, albeit provisional. “It’s interesting to see, in individuality, how much each one really accepts this long-distance relationship; a very frank conversation about it will be able to eliminate future frustrations”, recommends the therapist.
two. Share routine moments naturally
to leave the distance lighter, it is important to be naturally present in the life of the other. Since there is no possibility of meeting physically more often, thinking about small details that make the other person feel remembered is important. This helps to reduce the weight of distance and exhausting thoughts involving jealousy and insecurities.
“A good tip for dealing with this insecurity and jealousy is to be able to include this communication, bringing the partner into my routine. When I remember him, send a photo, in a natural way”, advises the therapist. “Strictly is not the best way, but spontaneously,” she says.
In practice, the couple can share everyday photos, send messages of subtle memories, such as a song, a food, that made the other person see the partner, even from a distance. Also, thinking of a communication routine that makes sense for both of you (for example, a frequent morning call) is good.
Monotony is part of a healthy relationship
On the other hand, it is healthy to understand that, in a affective relationship, you don’t have to build a race to keep the passion burning all the time. “It is a very strong belief, socially constructed and that, for many couples, especially young couples, this is still present, the idea that passion has to exist all the time, and that is not what happens in a healthy relationship, in which individuality is preserved, the moment alone, the moment with interests, with friends, without having to be together all the time”, he says.
In a long-distance relationship, the specialist realizes that there is a charge that the people involved need to always be well. However, she points out that, even together, the couple will go through dilemmas, conflicts and periods of distance.
“To be able to maintain this connection, this couple has to have a bridge to each other; they don’t have this physical bridge, but they can maintain an emotional bridge by keeping in touch, not all the time, but informing about what each one is experiencing, bringing news, letting the other participate in their lives”, he contextualizes.
3. Set dates to meet
Having a set deadline for the next meeting in person is a great ally to reinforce the interest in being in the relationship and relieve the stress of uncertainty in everyday life. “When a couple doesn’t know when they’re going to see each other, whether in a week or two months, it creates insecurity and even a feeling, like, whatever, as if this wasn’t a priority; so, determine a date on the calendar for you to be able to meet, even if it takes a year, but you will know that, on that date, you will be able to meet again”, indicates the therapist.
4. Make yourself present
Showing that you care about the other beyond routine messages is an action that highlights the reasons why it is worth keeping the other person in your life. The professional explains that small surprises (such as sending gifts, favorite foods through apps, doing something unexpected, such as a sweet email, searching for places in the city where the other person is and that they might like and recommend for a visit) are attitudes that demonstrate affection for the well-being of the other.
5. Explore sexual creativity
A long-distance relationship will require a lot of adaptability from both of you. For this reason, it is necessary to have creativity and innovation, which can stimulate new discoveries between the couple. Send photos, videos, make video calls and make a future schedule that sharpen that partof the relationship, like a trip, for example, are tactics for the sexual exchange between partners and conservation of desire, emphasizes the specialist.
6. Avoid dependencies
Whether it’s the screens that keep the relationship connected or a development of emotional dependence, the couple needs to be careful not to lose their own life. It is necessary that the routine of the two be allied to the individual purposes and to meet as a couple, but without taking the other’s time and constantly depositing needs.
“A couple at a distance where one is very insecure, wants an explanation all the time, wants to know about the other’s life all the time, it wears out a lot for both sides, it’s bad for both. Not only this dependence on the cell phone, but reflecting a dependence on the love relationship”, explains Naiara. Therefore, seeking individual or couple therapy sessions can contribute to understanding this dependent and anxious bond.
Long-distance couples enjoy their moments together even more
Finding positive sides that strengthen the interest in being together with the person you love, while achieving personal achievements, is a good way of thinking about the relationship and taking full advantage of the other person’s physical presence, when it occurs.
“Many couples who are not far away find it easy to meet at any time, and the distance will make this couple create a conducive and unique space: this can also be very positive”, analyzes the therapist.
7. honor the relationship
Not feeding situations that could trigger unnecessary fights, conflicts and intrigues is essential for a mature relationship. Rethinking what should or should not be commented on, what is the degree of importance of a given event, so as not to negatively intensify details that expose this relationship to fragility, it becomes necessary.
Psychologist and specialist Naiara Vitoy perceives this caution as a way to protect this relationship, based on the assumption that the two people honor the relationship they share. “It’s not about withholding information, lying, cheating on partners; this care with information is to protect, to avoid unnecessary wear and tear. But, if it’s something important, like an interest in someone else, it’s important to have mature conversations about it,” she says.
8. Align future goals
It is natural for a couple to talk about expectations for a future life, if there is interest in building a family, traveling the world, changing careers. Therefore, it is essential to find out how each one sees important matters, such as financial management. On the other hand, the fear of talking about the future can affect several relationships. The fear of making the relationship “heavy” can ward off mature conversations.
“As for the fear of talking about the future, this can be a sign of something important, very meaningful and very sincere, which is, for example: ‘I rethought about this relationship, I don’t know if I want to be with this person, if I see myself with that person in the future’. This is important, the other person has the right to know that you are rethinking the relationship, that you are no longer so connected”, considers the psychologist.
Finding a compromise between the two’s personal goals and hopes for the future as a couple is the best way to balance a lasting relationship or knowing when it’s time for each person to go their own way.
9. Perform a self-analysis
Taking care of yourself is also taking care of others. A self observation, which can be done through therapy, is very important to understand yourself in more depth. The professional endorses that putting on paper how the individual feels first, so that he can later translate this message to the partner, is a way of not polluting this relationship with emotions, exhaustion and insecurities. “Perhaps it is much more from the private world than from the marital relationship”, she analyzes.
The psychologist explains that the fear of talking about the future may be related to some personal issue. “It’s not just about the relationship, it’s about my life. Can I be with one depression, I can be very anxious about my work, so it can be much more about an individual aspect”, concludes Naiara Vitoy.
10. Keeping the tripod: respect, trust and admiration
Finally, in order for all the tips to be put into practice, being aware that feelings and care are reciprocal within the relationship and in itself is what every couple, whether at a distance or not, needs to keep in mind mind.
“Keeping the other person safe is quite a responsibility, isn’t it? This security is much more individual. You feel safe is what each one can do for themselves, but in relation to the other, it’s the basic package: respect, trust, admiration. It’s keeping this tripod standing, even from a distance”, concludes couple therapist Naiara Vitoy.
Source: Maxima
I am an experienced author and journalist with a passion for lifestyle journalism. I currently work for Buna Times, one of the leading news websites in the world. I specialize in writing stories about health, wellness, fashion, beauty, interior design, and more. My articles have been featured on major publications such as The Guardian and The Huffington Post.