A promise of happy and light moments, vacations with friends are often looked forward to. However, some details can turn them into a nightmare.
This is a big departure. you’re about to hit the road on a vacation with your dearest friends. The story sounds good on paper, but travel can quickly turn into a nightmare. For what ? Psychologist and psychotherapist Patrick Estrade believes that tension is inevitable during holidays with several people. With sociologist Dominique Picard (2), she deciphers the many points of disagreement that can threaten a peaceful summer vacation.
Go with the wrong cast
You’ve known each other for years and are about to leave together for the first time. No matter how much you like each other, “you are not ready to live everyday life together,” the psychosociologist immediately warns. “You’ll discover their temperament, their character, their infantilism, etc.,” adds Patrick Estrade. Some leftovers can even lead to an amicable breakup.
To avoid getting to that point, Dominique Picard suggests planning your vacation in advance, “thinking about the people you’re going with; are you comfortable with them? Do we have anything in common? The same lifestyle. Do they have tact in case of conflict?
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Various rituals
“During your life you create habits that shape your days, and over time you no longer pay attention to them,” recalls Dominique Picard. Those around you are not necessarily used to them and discover them during your stay. The whole thing can be disturbing. “The problem here is that we quickly get irritated by what other people don’t do like us. They become a shame in our eyes with their behavior. It also makes you question your lifestyle because you compare yourself to others,” emphasizes Dominique Picard.
Opposite desires
While you prefer a lazy day by the sea, your new roommates choose to stroll around the city. When we disagree, “we end up giving in and obeying the majority. Some people will have the impression that they always come to this situation, and this can cause small disappointments, which lead to dissatisfaction,” notes the psycho-sociologist. Dominique Picard recommends going ahead and “agreeing, as we see it, to everyone’s expectations before staying with the organization. We can also offer activities, accept what we like, sometimes make concessions.”
It is important to have alone time. Living under the gaze of others can quickly become tiring, we are careful about the image we present to others.
Dominique Picard, psychosociologist
Also choose alone time, “it’s important to have hours of solitude. Living under the eyes of others can be tiring quickly, we are careful about the image we present. It is also nice to rediscover the pleasure of being busy with yourself,” notes the psychosociologist.
Children’s education
A source of much conflict: children. “Not everyone raises them the same way,” recalls Dominique Picard. Raising children has become a way of comparing ourselves to each other. We can feel jealous if a child of some friends behaves better, or we judge a child whom we consider rude,” explains the psycho-sociologist.
money
The question promises to be thorny. Choosing a restaurant, shopping, activities… Money can quickly become a point of contention, especially when each member of the group has a different financial situation. “In our society, money has become a way to compare oneself with others, to rank them on a scale. Those at the bottom are considered inferior and those at the top are arrogant,” explains Dominique Picard. Equalization can quickly create resentment and jealousy in a group.
If the discussion of the topic is often delicate, because it implies that we are subject to the gaze of others, then the two experts still advise to set a budget or plan expenses together in advance. If dialogue sometimes helps to defuse conflicts, for psychotherapist Patrick Estrade, we need to weigh the pros and cons of the discussion, “depending on the length of stay, the level of frustration, the people in front of us, etc.” And avoid going out Small handkerchiefs…
(1) Be yourself. And no more shearing the wool off your backPatrick Estrade, (Ed. Robert Laffont), 19 euros, 288 pages.
(2) Relationship conflictsBy Dominique Picard and Edmond Marc, (Ed. PUF), €9, 128 pages.
Source: Le Figaro
