Here’s why the holidays make some people feel down

It is a fact, not everyone is overwhelmed by the traditional wave of holiday love. It even happens that presents, six-course dinners, family gatherings and Christmas party favors are pet peeves and depression for more than one person. We call them “natalophobes”, meaning Christmas anxiety, or anti-Christmas, how and why can this period be so morally damaging?

A disappointing reality

Needless to say, there is no shortage of time to think of the perfect gifts to slip under the tree. Not to mention the wreaths and other New Year’s accessories placed on the streets since November. The whole problem would also be there. “This region is often imagined. We imagine only luxury and magic. Reality inevitably disappoints this vision because nothing is ever perfect,” explains clinical psychologist and author Samuel Dock. Unbridled praise of psychoanalysis (1).

Fantasy arises from what the media reports. “It’s normal that our year-end celebrations are not like an advertisement or a movie, they are staged, and that perfection is unattainable,” psychologist and trainer Boris Charpentier immediately confirms. Not to mention that this wait is not really rewarding in practice. “Vacations last very little and pass very quickly. We quickly lose the object of fantasy, and then disillusionment can set in,” notes Samuel Dock.

The Happiness Directive

Even being disappointed with the speed of December, there is only one watchword: happiness. To bathe in the glowing light of love, to be filled with plans for the future, to laugh out loud and be bon vivant. this is the perfect list of behaviors to adopt. “Indeed, certain one-sidedness leads to competition in the party. We are expected to end the year with an apotheosis. It’s a limitation and a real social norm,” laments Samuel Dock. You have to give your best, including in the family role, “being the perfect mother who thought of your aunt’s favorite dessert and laid a beautiful table; here’s what to expect. You have to surpass yourself in your role,” says Boris Charpentier. It is clear that this is true. Have a little New Years spirit and see if one of your parents points it out to you…

Doing nothing at home conveys an image of social anxiety

Samuel Dock, Clinical Psychologist

This societal pressure also encourages everyone not to be alone during Christmas, New Years and New Years. “We see stress in the organization of this district. There is an obligation to do something. Doing nothing at home conveys a very negative image, even social anxiety. Meanwhile, being alone on other evenings of the year is not a problem,” says psychologist Samuel Dok.

Childhood nostalgia

The reason for this uncertainty of the soul can be from childhood. Has holiday magic ever worked better than on children? As we grow older, this charm obviously disappears. “We never find him in his lifetime. When you’re an adult, you know the price of all this, and after all, nothing is magic. In order for this moment to be remarkable, you have to organize it yourself and make it remarkable. Some people find it difficult to mourn this disappointment,” testified Samuel Dock. From early childhood, the end of the year has a special flavor that we definitely don’t want to lose. According to Boris Charpentier, parallels between children’s fairy tales and reality should not be drawn, otherwise disappointment is guaranteed.

Adults, we know the price of it all, nothing is magic after all

Samuel Dock, Clinical Psychologist

The solutions

When the festivities are over, how can we keep ourselves from falling into this temporary depression? First, it’s important to let go of guilt. “Nothing wants to mark the end of the year. There is no shame in feeling negative emotions. I think it’s inevitable and that everyone will feel that way in their life,” says Samuel Dock. So if we lack the desire to wander the streets looking for the perfect gift and an evening spent watching a movie at home catches our eye, “we’re listening. It makes no sense to force yourself, to play the happy superman, first of all you need to confirm your desire,” encourages the specialist.

Another hypothesis. consider rethinking the way you celebrate that period. “Reviving the event is a good thing. Do not hesitate to change habits, for example, going on vacation,” suggests Boris Charpentier. The latter emphasizes that this phenomenon is common and not isolated. “Many more people suffer during the holidays than we think. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it for fear of being misunderstood.” Finally, we forget TV movies with lavishly decorated three-meter-high Christmas trees, romantic meetings in the snow and family cuddles with deer head sweaters. And we moved on to new adventures. Or not?

(1) Samuel Dock is specifically the author The new discontent in civilization, Ed. Plon, €19.90, and: Unbridled praise of psychoanalysis, Ed. Philip Ray, 20 euros.

This article, originally published in December 2017, has been updated.