“You can play‘ dress ’or whatever, but why are you posting these pictures on the Internet? “People will think it’s weird!”
Although the parent seems to be punishing their child for snatching their iPad, this is a line my dad told me about a strange man in his 20s driving me to the airport back. After one of my regular trips to San Francisco, Georgia where I grew up.
I’m used to these types of interrogations when I get home, and before I get stuck and stuck in the car for 45 minutes, it’s always the best time for my parents to express their concerns about how. ” California has changed ”. . Me and the question of where my life is going. In this particular episode, my dad shared his disgust at my newly discovered hobby: playing as Mary Lou Pearl in drag clubs.
This exchange of ours was completely contrary to my father’s reaction when I first declared myself gay over 10 years ago. For him – a doctor in central Mississippi who has never lived outside the south except for a short time because of his medical residence in Oklahoma – sexual orientation is part of a person’s genetic makeup. When he found out I was gay, he assured me that even though there was a difficult path to take and my mother was fighting for her religious beliefs, I was and she would support me. With the same breath, he warned me not to be one of the “gay”, adding that no one should be embarrassed or show my sexuality in the face ”by dressing in women’s clothes or marching in a parade of pride. ” ”
Well, you probably guessed how it turned out. In fact, the heated conversation we had in the car that day was sparked by photos coming out of me and my partner dragging me to the San Francisco Pride parade.
Although my father was in a position in favor of rocky sexual orientation, I soon learned that his understanding of gender mismatch behavior and rocky gender identity was somewhat limited. And, as a result, it is feared and criticized.
My father grew up in a religious and conservative society where, in his own admission, there were no openly LGBTQ + people. We spoke strangely as something evil and the devil. This is something that should be avoided and condemned, and if a person falls prey to “attractive sex” as they call it, it is best to pray to God to save him.
So, as you can imagine, when I called my parents last year to find out that I had been vaccinated and I was on my way home to visit them, I was surprised to learn that my father wanted me to do makeup at home. he Kinaladkad. He has also chosen a name.
Ano nga ulit ?!
These are major deviations from our drainage discussions over the past four years. Sure, I finally got my parents to go and see me in 2019, but clearly my dad was a bit uncomfortable and I doubted he was doing this primarily to calm my mom, who was lobby. Scenes for him to get there. When I asked him after the show what he was thinking and feeling, his only answer was, “Well, either you grow up or you die,” then he headed for his Uber and went back to his hotel room.
We went beyond his apparent condemnation that I suppress, but instead of a peace agreement, it was more like a ceasefire agreement.
“Beyond my understanding, but I love you and I know you’re a good person and seem to make me happy, so I’ll just let it go,” she said.
So we left. The next time I suggested my parents go to San Francisco to see my game in a drag race, my mom booked a flight and explained why my dad couldn’t attend.
Coming home to be with my dad was a real bundle of nerves. When we arranged the preparation process, I asked her what makeup she would like to wear for this trip. She calmly replied, “Okay, I’m going to run out of things” and laughed at wanting to know what she looked like as a salon girl in the Wild West. But in my heart I doubted that his request should have been greater.
Examining my father’s negative response, I expressed strangely, realizing that he didn’t understand what it meant to drag on gender inequality or to express it against a transgender or non-transgender person. I also found that its impact on drag, trans and stoney culture is very limited. It became clear that her earlier comments that I was not “this kind of gay” were motivated by fear of the unknown and a desire to protect her child from the hardships and ridicule she saw in the most bizarre representations of people when they were is suffering. . He entered his hospital exam room. Her knowledge is limited to positive examples of living with kidneys, and she and my mother have both observed many kidney people around them who experienced the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s when she started making medicine.
Over time, mainly without expressing it, I thought to normalize entrainment. He compared it to what I did in the theater in high school; The only difference is that I’m wearing a woman now. Seeing my performance in San Francisco, albeit uncomfortable, showed him my community’s love and support for me and this part of my life, and revealed a happy and joyful nature that attracts so many people. . In clubs around the world and on television.
When I was doing makeup in my childhood bedroom on Easter Sunday, I saw how this joy came to her. We laughed, told stories and tried different accents on his drag character. (He chose the name “Daddy Lou Merle,” the comedy named I gave him, “Daddy Lou Pearl” and “Merle,” the name of my great -aunt, who was a pretty big character in old age. And in 1971 that entered the South Dakota Softball Hall of Fame.) At one point she said makeup felt like work and began singing “From Figaro Marriage.” As they say in the world of drag, it is Sense of imagination.
When the last moment of truth came and the father looked in the mirror to see for himself, he rejoiced. Her southern accent darkened and she exclaimed, “Oh, my word, she’s a southern beauty! ay naku Nasira.“Then, at my favorite time of day, he turned to my mother, who was sitting on the bed, and said, ‘Hello, doll!’
It was as if he was delivering excerpts from my grandparents, aunts and women I grew up with, in his hometown of Columbus, the Mississippi Church. Like me, she painted bigger than the lives of the southern women (with the biggest hair) where she grew up.
My emotions were mixed when he underwent this change. Sure, I’m glad he enjoyed and the experience was positive, but where did this excitement go? Why have I received so many destructive comments and asked so many conflicting questions to ask here? Why did his habit suddenly change at first sight?
As we sat at the kitchen table after she put on makeup, I asked her again, “Dad, why do you want to put on makeup?” She knew it was beyond her comfort level, from her life experience and because of the place she grew up in, but she wanted to try to get to know him in the middle of the street.
Dry the tears.
As stone people, we talk a lot about what we want our families and society to accept. Acceptance lives in a space beyond tolerance, defined as “the acceptance of existence, origin or skill (something you don’t like or disagree with) without interference”. Acceptance is more and means “accepting someone and accepting them into your group”. Tolerance says, “You can sit here, even if it makes you uncomfortable”, while the receptionist says, “I’ll be happy to sit with you, welcome.”
If we move away from this thought process, we will come to the concept of hugs, which are interpreted as “taking someone’s hand” or “willingly and enthusiastically accepting or supporting”. My father asked me to lower him, he had to take that extra step into my embrace, greet me where I was and in his actions show his love and support for me. This is especially important because of its level of discomfort around pulling earlier.
As stone people, we are often tempted to explain and defend our identities. While emotional effort and hard work can really be productive and lead to change, it is also exhausting and can feel overwhelming. When allies choose to walk with us on this path of growth and self -realization – and are willing to avoid discomfort and challenge themselves – it makes things easier for us and allows for greater change. I am so grateful that my father did that.
Is that the best? Now I have an amazing new drag sister.
Blake Mitchell is a diversity and corporate inclusion practitioner, drag artist and activist based in San Francisco, California. Originally from Atlanta, Georgia, Blake spent his education in the South creating their favorite character. Mary Lou Perla. Blake is a supporter of LGBTQ + advocacy and racial justice causes, including AIDS / Life Cycle, Brave Trails LGBTQ + Summer Camp, and Demonstration for Racial Justice. Blake is identified as non -binary and based on gender and uses their pronouns in the community.
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