Relaxation, aperitif and feet in the water in this long-awaited holiday program. Which is not the opinion of some babies who choose to stick with their parents.
“Normally, Frida is a very independent little girl. But since we are on vacation at sea, he keeps asking to be taken. Like many parents, children’s illustrator Melanie Grandgirard (1) spends the holidays with her 2 1/2-year-old daughter. But unlike the rest of the year, it is more difficult for a child to be separated from their parents, even for a few minutes. Explanations with three experts.
Children’s “glue pot” will “mobilize attention by crying, talking or touching,” says child psychologist Florence Millot. This is confirmed by child psychiatrist Stephane Clerget (2), who adds that a “sticky” child will prefer “to deprive himself of an activity rather than be separated from his parents for an hour.”
Loss of bearings, freer parents…
If this is a “normal phase” for 2 to 5 year olds, how can this type of behavior be reinforced during the holidays? For little ones, this summer may be a “first”. Synonymous with the word “emigration”, the child loses his orientation, “he no longer has his usual environment, which can be a source of stress”, the psychologist assesses. Especially since during the rest of the year, between school and extracurricular activities, the child is used to constant stimulation and being the center of attention. Florence Milot continues.
Changing scenery can be a source of stress
Florence Millot, child psychologist
“Freed from the constraints of their profession, parents seek to regain some freedom during their leisure time,” notes Dominique de Saint-Mars, author of the comic series. Max and Lily . “So they want to make their kids more independent, and the kids feel that. Thinking about being rejected, they then cling even more to their parents. A phenomenon that is sometimes highlighted during vacations with friends, the author admits. “In a festive environment, young children who are not used to seeing their parents in this way may not recognize them. To make sure they are okay, they are not going to let them go again.
In the video, this dad found a technique to empty the dishwasher while supervising the kids
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If the feeling of insecurity and loss of bearings seems almost logical, Florence Millot and Stéphane Clergé agree that this behavior reflects a deeper feeling of the child. “When they’re on vacation, kids want to make up for lost time throughout the year.” A period during which parents are often “mentally unavailable”, emphasizes the psychologist. “When they work, parents spend time with their children, but they are often busy with their daily worries. Therefore, they are very rarely 100% with their children,” says the specialist.
A phenomenon that is also explained by the fact that today “family moments are more and more limited”, he adds. Hence the necessity of compensating children on holidays. Moreover, at the end of the summer, emphasizes Stéphane Clerge, where “the child anticipates the beginning of the school year and, therefore, the coming separation.”
“Overpowering his child”.
A “sticky” child is above all a child who “annoys his parents”. “It all depends on the limit to which they can reach,” teases the psychologist. Hence, the need to discuss with those around you, especially if you are going on vacation with friends. Florence Milot wants to calm down. “Some parents who find their child too clingy will later find that the behavior is normal, especially if the child is very young.”
“It is a natural need. A child ensures his safety, especially in a place where he does not know, adds Stéphane Clerge. But today we tend to give too much autonomy to our child. We would like him to be able to do everything very quickly and on his own (eating, dressing, playing, etc.), but we tend to forget that he does not necessarily mature emotionally that quickly.
Trade to appease him
But if this behavior would jeopardize long-awaited holidays in Lot-et-Garonne, there are solutions. “It is important to love the moments when the child will feel that his parents are only by his side. You obviously need to talk about it with him and try to understand what is wrong and why he behaves like this, explains Dominique de Saint Mars. But be careful, however, never make fun of him by calling him a “glue pot”, especially not in public,” he emphasizes.
Today we would like the child to know how to do everything very quickly
Stéphane Clerger, child psychiatrist
In the meantime, Stephane Clerget encourages parents to take their child for their own play. Can manage alone. At the same time, he will feel less anxious because he will understand that you are not rejecting him, even if you are not with him all the time.
When the situation becomes very difficult, Florence Milot advises not to hesitate to “leave the child with a trusted person to rest. A parent who takes time for himself will be better able to accept his child later. He also recommends “prioritizing quality over quantity.” Even during holidays.
(1) Scratch the elephant is too sticky. Melanie Grandgirard and Coralie Saudo, ages 3 and up, published by Auzou, €5.95.
(2) Pocket pedopsiaStéphane Clerget, Marabout editions, €6.50.
Source: Le Figaro
