“When we don’t address the problems, they don’t go away, they rot.” according to the psychologist, these lies destroy the couple.

Some phrases spoken within a couple may seem harmless, but can undermine the union to the point of tearing the partners apart. False sentences, or rather, those that contradict what we actually feel. in an article written on the website on September 4 Psychology today Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein lists these lies to yourself or others that can lead to the destruction of a union in the long run.

“I’m doing good”

We sometimes think we’re protecting our partner by pretending we’re okay. On the contrary, attitude creates misunderstanding and therefore distance. Often used to avoid confrontation, this lie digs a hole in the foundation of a relationship. By keeping quiet about our feelings, we prevent others from supporting and understanding us. “The facade that everything is fine only postpones the inevitable explosion, where repressed emotions finally emerge, often with harmful consequences,” warns the psychologist. Therefore, the specialist advises to be honest and vulnerable in order to achieve true intimacy.

“It’s not a big problem.”

When something bothers us in a relationship, we can be tempted to minimize the impact it has on us. The goal may be to avoid being insecure or a way to delude ourselves into a perfect picture of our history. The problem. This lie hits self-esteem and shuts down relationships. Small problems that could have been easily solved cause a bigger problem and dissatisfaction. “In healthy relationships, even small issues are addressed and honored because they reflect deeper needs and inform us of our obstacles,” explains Jeffrey Bernstein.

“I can change him”

We may ignore certain aspects of our partner’s personality, convincing ourselves that we can make them change. A dangerous belief, says the psychologist, because it causes disappointment. According to the specialist, it is possible to develop, but the change should come from the person in question, not from the aspirations of his partner. Convincing yourself that you can change others, according to Jeffrey Bernstein, leads to frustration, resentment, and the often painful realization:

“We don’t need to talk about it”

We can be tempted to keep quiet about the discomfort we feel in our emotional lives, hoping that time will take its course and that the feelings will resolve. However, this only increases the distance between the partners, and the damage becomes greater when faced with it. “Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and when you choose not to address issues, they don’t go away, they get squashed,” says Jeffrey Bernstein.