Here’s how to know if you need to make a change in your life, according to a psychologist

Do you feel out of place, both professionally and personally, or do you have doubts about your current performance? In an article written by him and published on the website on June 19 Psychology today , American clinical psychologist Beth Kurland points out the signs that prove it’s time (maybe) to make a change, whatever it is, and advises how to proceed. Because change is scary, he emphasizes. “With a perceived threat, our nervous system goes into a state of defense.” Result? We tend to lock ourselves into patterns that no longer fit us.

Decide what works for us

First of all, the psychologist recommends taking into account everything that contributes to our well-being. We ask ourselves, more specifically, what makes us feel good? What brings us “joy, satisfaction, meaning, or purpose”? What situations contribute to our sense of well-being? Finally, Beth Kurland recommends determining the values ​​with which it is important for us to be aligned.

At the end of this assessment, “listen to your body’s cues and pay attention to physical sensations as you reflect on different areas of your life. Do you feel looseness, contraction, tightness, or something else?’

Identify the domain that is likely to change

To go further, the psychologist then recommends identifying what is “stuck” in our current lifestyle. Is there a blockage preventing us from achieving personal satisfaction? Are there habits that no longer suit us? A relationship we can’t take anymore? “A job where you feel like you’re depleting rather than thriving, a behavior that hurts you, like staying up too late or drinking too much,” suggests the practitioner. When you think about it, it’s helpful to consider your feelings. Feeling suffocated? Fragility? All of them are clues that prove that it is time to make a turn in the given field. Beth Kurland finally recommends identifying the situations we may find ourselves in that we no longer want to experience, or the behaviors we adopt that no longer align with our values.

Limit your “sphere of influence”

Once the domain is identified, the psychologist instructs his reader to delimit “his sphere of influence.” In short, find out what we can change and what we have no control over. For example, we can’t decide how our bodies heal when we’re injured, “but we can choose the amount of rest and care we give to healing,” the psychologist points out.

Act

Ultimately, we make the necessary adjustments to improve our quality of life. First, it’s important to “accept that change can be scary. Instead of trying to get rid of the fear, you can focus on what you can add to the equation. To do this, it is good to think about the quality that we would like to develop to face this fear; courage eg acceptance, patience, persistence, self-compassion. Once this quality is revealed, the expert recommends reconnecting with it by remembering the moment we experienced it.

Beth Kurland then invites us to a visualization exercise. We then consider the ways in which the change to be made can be shaped. If it concerns the marital area, it may be enough to express your needs more clearly to your partner or consider couples therapy. If the need for change concerns the professional sphere, it would be wise to express your concern to your superiors, think about a change of position or look for a new job.

“Take time to think about what is most important for you,” insists the psychologist. The key is to make changes gently and gradually. “If you want to change your lifestyle to include more daily exercise, you can commit to a 5-minute walk around the block,” she suggests. Final advice. don’t hesitate to reach out to others. Enough to “offer a big signal of nervous system safety and moving forward,” Beth Kurland concludes.