DESCRIPTION – Lack of punctuality is deeply ingrained in our habits for some of us. A psychologist studies the reasons for such behavior.
This will not go unnoticed. for some individuals who do know how to tell time, being punctual is a real challenge. Their tardiness, which has become chronic, completely defines them and frustrates those around them. The latter even manages to adjust by moving the meeting time 30 minutes earlier, for example, to ensure the presence on time. Except the story wouldn’t be so serious if that habit didn’t have side effects. How can we explain these consistent delays? What could be in these thoughts? Should we detect a sign of inconsistency there? Disrespectful attitude towards the waiting person.
A habit crystallized over time
The reason for the lack of punctuality is sometimes the environment in which a person is immersed. An environment that never really encouraged him to be on time, e.g. for some, being late is a family habit that is rarely mentioned or even considered “normal.” “If the family does not accept the consequences of this lack of punctuality, the habit crystallizes over time and becomes habitual,” comments clinical psychologist Noémie du Challard. Our cultural and social spheres can also sometimes legitimize delay, tolerating or even valuing it. This is evidenced by the case of a dinner or an evening with friends, where in France it is customary not to arrive at the given time.
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Among the eternal latecomers, we also meet the victims of a disorganized lifestyle. “They have a hard time managing their time and often find themselves overwhelmed by events,” says the psychologist. The lack of rigor observed then may be particularly due to a lack of attention.” Habit can also be a result of overflowing optimism. Some people know that these individuals have a very specific idea of time; they underestimate the time required for a task, activity, or trip… no consequence, it’s all good.
The carelessness and levity characteristic of many optimists may explain the chronic delays; for some it doesn’t matter, it’s all good
Noémie du Chalard, clinical psychologist
A touch of individualism?
The tendency to be chronically late can also be just a personality problem. And in some latecomers we can find narcissistic traits. The specialist emphasizes this. “consciously or not, feeling more important than the other to the point that they will wait is a way of dominating themselves.” In others we identify individuality. Self-centered people “don’t consider the sense of urgency that might intrude on the other person or the fact that their time is precious. They are imbued with the desire to ‘become adventurers of their own time’, to manage it as they see fit, unilaterally,” explains Noemie du Challard.
Lack of self-confidence can also justify delay. Clarifications. when we have low self-esteem, we believe that we are “never good enough.” To support this negative belief, some will self-sabotage by not being punctual. In other cases, being late allows the person to relax that they will be noticed. “Will he love me in spite of everything? Will he still want to see me, show interest in me even if I’m late?” All these questions can hide chronic lateness.
Unconsciously or not, feeling more important than the other to the point that they will wait for time is a way of dominating them.
Noémie du Chalard, clinical psychologist
After all, the delay may simply reflect a lack of desire. That behavior then acts as rebellion; “we challenge the other person by passively confronting the distressing situation.” For others, anxiety reigns. Fear of an upcoming event then prompts us to procrastinate; “We think we’re saving time, but in fact we’re just putting it off until the last moment,” as an escape response to anxiety, concludes the psychologist.
Source: Le Figaro
