In an article published on the University of Colorado website, Mandy Doria, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the institution, explains how to build a healthy and strong romantic relationship, minute by minute.
Professional meetings, dinner with friends, baby logistics… As a couple, it’s easy and quick to lose sight of each other, cut off from everyday commitments. Dedicating a few hours a week to your partner may be enough to counter the downward spiral and protect your romantic relationship. This is what Mandy Doria, assistant professor of psychiatry at the Medical University of Colorado (USA) says. In an article written by him and published on the institution’s website on February 13, the specialist reminds of the importance of moments spent together to strengthen the bond.
Taking care of your connection with others is especially important for better understanding and resolving conflicts, she notes, drawing on the work of couples therapist John Gottman. So, Mandy Doria recommends that you intentionally dedicate 6 hours a week to your partner. This time dedicated to the couple “would help us communicate and become closer, even when everyday life is busy.”
2 minutes every morning
The timer starts at the beginning of the day. On the days when we work, the specialist invites us to spend 2 minutes in the morning to say goodbye and ask the other person about his day. “We can ask him what he’s looking forward to or what he’s afraid of,” she says. Then we’ll know how to get the news in the evening.”
20 minutes every night
Later in the evening, let’s take time to share with each other what made us happy, or rather, upset, encourages the professor of psychiatry. “It’s about closing the cycle of stress together, reconnecting with something familiar, complaining if it’s helpful and helping each other destress,” she sums up. John Gottman also suggests coming together through a ritual of physical connection, such as a 6-second kiss. This reunion can therefore become a moment to look forward to during the day.”
Compliments and affection
“Think about what you like about your partner, a personality trait you admire in them, or something they’ve done that you appreciate,” the professor tells readers. Then tell him. It will take only 5 minutes a day. Getting into this habit helps us notice qualities in others more naturally and allows the other person to feel valued.
The expert then encourages us to end the day on a positive note by showing our love for each other before bed. Hug, kiss or give a gentle look, say “I love you”… These simple gestures hardly last 5 minutes a day, but they have a calming effect. “A moment of affection before bed can help get rid of the little annoyances that accumulate throughout the day,” assures Mandy Doria.
2 dates
A few hours straight, just the two of you, what could be more precious? During these two hours, we eliminate all distractions, to understand the screens, to focus only on the couple, advises the professor. This is the time to ask open questions, spend quality time with our other half and thus “nourish the relationship”.
If it seems that time, money or childcare makes it impossible to organize this time, it is always possible to plan a walk or evening at home, cook dinner together or play a board game. For example:
It’s time to take stock
Once a week we count. “Start by saying 5 things you appreciate about your partner,” says Mandy Doria. Then take time to share (and listen again) to the struggles each of you are experiencing in the relationship.” The goal here is not to resolve possible contentious points at once. We create space to share our fears with others and understand their current concerns. “The simple fact of feeling heard can sometimes even resolve certain conflicts in a natural way,” promises the specialist.
If perfectly measuring the time dedicated to the couple in the daily flow seems unrealistic, then the main thing remains to take care of our connection. Communication, small touches, warmth, sharing… If one of these elements is missing from the relationship equation, it would be good to discuss together what can be done to strengthen them, concludes the professor.
Source: Le Figaro
