Who are sapiosexuals really, above all intelligent?

“The first time Aurelien saw Berenice, he found her frankly ugly,” Louis Aragon wrote in 1944. Aurelien, the hero of the novel of the same name, did not stop at his first impressions and eventually fell madly in love with the young woman. especially for his wit and intelligence. Was he a sapiosexual? From the Latin word “sapio,” which means intelligence or reason, sapiosexuality is precisely the fact that one’s sexual and emotional attraction to others is based on their intelligence rather than their physical appearance. More and more people seem to recognize and identify with this concept. Last May, actress Sophie Marceau said in a newspaper interview that she is a sapiosexual Set free .

Of course, sapiosexuals can also be charmed by the external beauty of their interlocutors, but their primary criterion remains intelligence. Gender studies specialist Rob Cover, a digital communication teacher-researcher at the Royal Institute of Technology in Melbourne, has been interested in new gender identities such as sapiosexuality for several years. He even made a book out of it. Emerging Identities (1), released in 2018, traces the evolution of our understanding of gender and sexuality in the digital landscape. For Madame Figarohe gives us these intellectuals’ exhaustive definition of love and what they seek in their relationships.

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Above all, mental stimulation

Sapiosexuals each have their own perspective on what makes an intelligent mind attractive to them. “The form of speech, appearance, cultural references, centers of interest… It doesn’t matter to them as long as they feel mentally stimulated. Sexual desire and the feelings they experience are conditioned by this,” reports Rob Cover. This criterion is so important that it overshadows all others, sometimes including gender. “If they feel intellectually nourished, they don’t consider gender, appearance, or other components of identity,” says the digital communication teacher-researcher.

Updated version

According to Rob Cover, the term was coined and first used by early adopters of the social networking site Tumblr in the late 2000s. But the concept itself is nothing new. Indeed, we did not expect the Internet to be captured by the intelligence of others. “It is really an old concept, confirms the teacher-researcher. Many literary writings, love legends or even centuries-old romantic poems tell about men and women falling in love during deep conversations.

However, in this modernized version of sapiosexuality, he mentions two novelties. First, the use of the term indicated, more precisely, to indicate what previously required a longer explanation. Then, the fact that we no longer talk only about preference, but about identity. According to him, sapiosexuals present themselves as such and claim it as a true indicator of their personality.

The way of speaking, the appearance, the cultural references, the centers of interest… It doesn’t matter to them as long as they feel mentally stimulated.

Rob Cover, Lecturer in Digital Communications, Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology

Escape the superficial and deepen the connection

For Rob Cover, if the term “sapiosexual” has become popular in recent years, it probably stems from a growing desire for “depth,” a search for meaning in our society. “People are more and more demanding when it comes to their dates,” he observes. They are looking for long conversations and intellectual exchanges, even simple flirtations.

Some young people identify as sapiosexual to break away from the superficial image that sometimes sticks to the skin of their generation. Far from selfies and filters, “multiple studies show that they reject this image culture that is very present online,” notes Rob Cover. And on the contrary, these young people are proud to talk about their love for intelligence,” says the gender research specialist.

The emotional quotient is also important

For Rob Cover, sapiosexuals don’t just want people who are learned or highly educated. From now on, their attraction to intelligence goes much further, into a form of augmented intelligence. But in recent decades, we’ve also come to recognize and appreciate other forms, such as emotional intelligence, he notes. The latter corresponds to the ability to listen, to recognize the emotions of others and to respond accordingly.

Over the past ten years, we have witnessed the greatest desire to redefine sexual and social norms that we have known since the beginning of the 20th century.

Rob Cover, Lecturer in Digital Communications, Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology

Towards a sexual identity revolution

For some, identifying as sapiosexual is also a way to participate in the sexual identity revolution. “For ten years we have witnessed the greatest desire to redefine sexual and social norms that we have known since the beginning of the 20th century. The younger generation wants to break free from traditional dichotomies: male/female, male/female, homosexual/heterosexual,” Rob Cover analyzes.

In addition to sapiosexuality, the gender studies specialist in his work on the language used online also notes the emergence of hundreds of other new qualifications to define a person’s preferences: non-binary, asexual, pansexual… “This identity revolution is widely enabled by the Internet. The younger generation has found a place there to freely discuss and spread this new terminology widely. The creeds they created, such as sapiosexuality, gave them new ways to express their desires and identities more authentically,” he concludes.

(1) Forming identities. new sexualities, new genders and new relationships in the digital age, by Rob Cover, published by Routledge, €28.50.