How to end a conversation?

“Ok go… Bye!” When taking a vacation from a partner, some slip more than others. Did I talk too much? Am I bored? Are there signs that the conversation is coming to an end? How can I make the other person understand that I need to leave without upsetting them? The questions are mixed up and quickly slip into panic. To get out of it brilliantly and leave a positive impression on your interlocutor, Martine Guillot, actress, director and elocution coach, and Boris Charpentier, psychologist and coach, list the signs of the end of the conversation and advise to close it better. .

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Set conversation boundaries

According to coach Martin Gio, who has coached male and female politicians, working on the content of this exchange allows for better conversational closure. “To set boundaries and avoid excessive rambling, we can ask ourselves what is at stake in this discussion,” suggests the public relations specialist. The more concise we are, the less we will drown the listener with irrelevant information. To say the right words, Martin Guillot recommends the so-called method bullet points, or a bulleted list. “It’s a great ally for listing the important points you want to convey, and when you get to the last point, you automatically know it’s time to close the conversation,” he sums up.

The duration of the exchange is also expected and lets you know exactly when it should end. “In work relationships, as well as in personal life, it is not wrong to ask the interlocutor how much time he has and how long the exchange can give us,” reports Martin Guillot.

Identify good and bad silences

To understand that the conversation must end, you need to pay attention to the silence. If seconds pass and the conversation still doesn’t resume, we can raise a red flag. “If a person is no longer interested, they will stop asking questions and very quickly, without realizing it, you will start to drift. This situation shows that it is high time to shorten the interview,” concludes the eloquence coach.

Consider the gesture

When the time comes, non-verbal language is often the most telling and can convey the interlocutor’s impatience or boredom, inviting them to jump to conclusions, confirm the two experts. However, not everyone can understand this gesture and nuance of psychologist and trainer Boris Charpentier. “This is when we lacked social interactions as children or are socially isolated as adults,” he says.

To understand the signal, the specialist points out the most classic defensive postures that indicate discomfort and, therefore, the desire to quickly close the exchange: a guarded look, closed hands or even withdrawing the body. To improve our reading network and be more attentive to these indicators, Boris Charpentier invites us to observe the interaction of strangers in public places such as cafes or parks. “The more we watch them, the better we understand the workings of non-verbal language, even verbal language,” he says.

Listen carefully to the breaths

Like gestures, the listener’s breathing says a lot about their attention and willingness to stop the exchange. “Good communication works like a waltz. for it to be fluid, you have to speak at the same speed. As soon as there is a change, breathing that accelerates or decreases, it can express the embarrassment of the interlocutor,” analyzes coach Martin Guillaume. For example, if the latter seems to be apnoeic or breathing fragmented, this is a sign of tension. Understand the context. the person certainly wants to interrupt the discussion.

If the breathing changes are to be followed, the intonation also indicates the end of the interview. “A pleasant and passionate exchange is mostly colored by different tones, we move from treble to bass very easily. When this is not the case, when the dialogue is monotonous, everything suggests that boredom has entered the conversation. In this situation, it should be put to an end,” sums up Martin Guillaume.

Remember the main points of exchange

For the psychologist Boris Charpentier, the end of a conversation should be systematically accompanied by a synthesis, where a person draws more or less formal conclusions from the exchange, and where it is necessary to make sure that there is no misunderstanding. Speech coach Martin Guillot offers inspiration from the skills of his political clients. These individuals, used to campaigning, are very careful to convey their message at the end of the interview and especially remember it. “You should always repeat important information so that the other person remembers it. That’s why it’s wise to end by summarizing 1 to 3 important points of the exchange in short and punchy sentences to make sure you get the message across,” he explains.

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Thanks to the interlocutor

When you find yourself trapped in an endless discussion (or monologue) and you want to get out of it as soon as possible, the most common and impolite mistake is to cut off the other person, refer to the experts. To get rid of this chatter politely, Martin Guillot advises to make it clear to the interlocutor that you have had all the necessary information and that, unless there is evidence to the contrary, the conversation is over from your point of view. “You can accompany the word with an exciting gesture, like reaching out to the other person to announce a handshake or hug, or even start putting on your coat or packing,” says the coach.

To end on a positive note, psychologist and coach Boris Charpentier recommends thanking the person for this exchange. “We can let her know how happy we were to see her and, if she wants, engage with a proposal like setting up a new meeting in the following weeks,” suggests the specialist. In any case, the two experts claim that lying is pointless. “If you are tired, you have the right to express your need to leave earlier and take leave from the person,” assures Boris Charpentier. Honesty always pays off.”