Completing his therapy is not easy. Two experts help identify the right time to leave the therapist’s office.
Psychiatrist, psychologist, psychoanalyst, psychotherapist… Finding a practitioner suitable for us is not easy. you can spend years looking for it. And once you find a rare pearl, it will be almost impossible to part with it. However, we know this from the beginning, this relationship does have an ending that might even be happy. In order to approach this separation with all calmness and to better prepare for it, a doctor of psychology and a psychiatrist tell us what the end of a therapeutic course might look like.
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Let’s leave the first received idea first. Like Sylvie Wieworka, psychiatrist and author In my shrinking head and how to choose an item (1), “except upon retirement or transfer, it is very rare for a therapist to announce to his patient that his therapy will end.” According to the doctor, the feeling of the end always comes from the patient, whether he is aware of it or not. “If a person is often late for their session or even forgets to go there, it is in their best interest to discuss their contribution and interest in therapy with a specialist,” emphasizes Sylvie Vieviorka.
“A missed act in psychoanalysis can be revealing,” says Saverio Tomasella, a doctor of psychology and psychoanalyst, also author. Undoubted powers of intuition (2). By regularly forgetting its destination, the unconscious can show us its refusal to go there. Whether this is proven or not, it is important to return to this control in the next session and ask yourself if it is not signaling something: a blockage or a desire to leave.
Feel calm
It makes sense, but the outgoing patient is also a good personality. “When the patient is well, we let him go,” emphasized the French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan. This very basic reflection is also very true, comments Saverio Tomasella. During therapy, the patient comes with his or her problem, which may evolve and change over the course of the sessions. If at the end of the day he feels better, relaxes, this is a simple but very obvious indication of the end of the journey.
On the contrary, anger, anger will sometimes be a bad counselor. “Some sessions are difficult for the patient. He may be shocked by what happened or what was said to the therapist,” says Saverio Tomasella. Dialogue will always be preferable before slamming the door without an explanation. “It happens that the patient may have a feeling that his condition is no longer changing, that he is going around in circles. At that point, the therapist might suggest that she take a break from the sessions so she can take a step back from the situation, says Dr. Sylvie Vieviorka. But whatever comes out of this discussion, the therapist should respect her decision without trying to hold her back at all costs.
We are reaching a time when we are able to do for ourselves what we expect from our therapist every day.
Saverio Tomasella, Doctor of Psychology and Psychoanalyst
noticeable change in attitude
When you’re hesitant to leave your therapist, it’s wise to talk it out with someone around you, such as a close friend. “The friendly or family environment has a significant influence on our attitude towards therapy and its purpose,” admits the psychiatrist. “If a relative knew you before the start of therapy, it is even better, because they will be able to bring you the perspective you need and tell you honestly how they have followed your evolution over months or years,” continues the doctor. psychology Saverio Tomasella. And very often their return is a good confirmation of our feelings.
Gain autonomy and confidence
Generally, at the end of therapy, you end up “internalizing” your therapist, notes Saverio Tomasella. “We are reaching a point where we are able to do for ourselves what we expect from our therapist on a daily basis; listen, favor, encourage. It’s a way to break away, to gain autonomy, a bit like a child who grows up and leaves the family nest to fly on his own,” describes the doctor of psychology. “For me, the goal of therapy is when the patient can completely do without us,” sums up Dr. Sylvie Wieworka.
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A break that isn’t one
If you decide to fly and break up with your therapist, you should avoid hasty and careless departures. Before settling on a radical decision, Saverio Tomasella invites patients to respect the time of reflection, first of all personal. “We can write down the pros and cons of stopping therapy in a notebook, thinking about where we’re at with that. Those who don’t like writing can use voice notes, for example, to clarify their feelings after a session,” she suggests.
According to the psychologist, walking in the natural environment, in the forest, in the mountains, or even by the water’s edge is also a good counselor in these situations. “These relaxing places, away from any demands of city life, allow us to really clear our minds and let our thoughts settle,” explains the specialist.
Before banishing the practitioner from his address book (and his heart) for good, it’s interesting to talk about it with the key stakeholder in one or more sessions. “One shouldn’t ask permission to leave. Just because we’re patient doesn’t mean our feelings aren’t valid. Faced with post-breakup anxiety, I sometimes reassure the patient and suggest leaving in two stages, scheduling a check-up after six months,” says psychiatrist Silvie Vieviorka.
In any case, this departure is never final, and the door is always open, experts assure. “Some take a break for a few weeks, a few months, a few years and come back because they are going through a difficult phase or for some other reason, creative or even spiritual, Saverio Tomasella testifies. That’s why when a patient leaves my office, I invite them to call me back if necessary without delay. »
(1) In my shrinking head and how to choose an itemBy Sylvie Viviorka, published by HumenSciences, 208 pages, €18.
(2) Undoubted powers of intuition, By Saverio Tomasella, published by Larousse Editions, 208 pages, €18.95.
Source: Le Figaro
