Sadness as the key to happiness Think so Helen Russell, the British author of the book How to be sad (how to be sadFrench) and Christophe Andre, psychiatrist and author consolations. Explanations:
What if we let sadness take over us from time to time without realizing what it might bring or feeling ashamed? We could be happier. In any case, this is the thesis of British journalist and writer Helen Russell, developed in her book How to be sad (how to be sad, French), published in October 2021 (1). Based on his personal journey and scientific research, he explains why we will use sadness to optimize our everyday happiness. Allowing ourselves to suffer through suffering will not only lessen the effects, but also make us appreciate moments of joy even more.
In the video: a world tour of recipes for happiness
More persistence, generosity
Being comfortable with her feelings of sadness will help improve her attention to detail, the author says. It was founded in 2014 by Australian psychology professor Joseph P. Based on Forgas’ research published in 2014. . Therefore, this emotion will be active for social interactions, such as during conflict situations where communication must be careful.
People open to sadness are also more likely to be generous, says the psychology professor, joined by reporter Helen Russell. To demonstrate this, the latter entrusted money to a group of people and analyzed the money offered by others. Joseph P. Forgas concluded that “those in a sad mood gave much more to others than happy people.” The explanation? “They took longer to make decisions, suggesting that they pay more attention to the needs of others and are more mindful and thoughtful about their choices,” she writes.
Finally, accepting grief from time to time will strengthen perseverance, notes Joseph P. Forgas. According to the professor of psychology, those who experience this feeling will be more motivated to make efforts to get out of their unpleasant situation.
Better self-awareness
Being sad serves a real function, assures psychiatrist Christoph Andre, who recently authored: Comforts we receive and those we give (2). According to him, grief opens the door to change, makes us think about our lives and thus pushes us to change our ways of doing things. “To refuse to grieve means to refuse these times of putting aside and thinking about what’s wrong,” he elaborates. We lose something of the order of self-knowledge.
Without forgetting that the best way to relieve and reduce sadness is to let it be present and experience it. Suppressing it is useless, “it’s a bit like forbidding us to think about a certain thing,” imagines journalist Helen Russell, “the only thing we can think about is this thing.”
Pursuit of Happiness Perfectionism
Sadness may be an inevitable feeling in our lives, but many avoid it, says Christophe Andre. Some take the posture because the feelings, painfully, scare them. For others, the sadness is tinged with a sense of shame, the roots of which can be traced back to childhood when adults ask them not to cry or emphasize that they prefer to see the child smile. “How do you know how to manage sadness as an adult when you didn’t experience it as a child?” asks Helen Russell. When we are sad, then we feel guilty and ashamed.”
Christoph Andre also sees a social explanation behind the escape of sadness. “Since the dawn of time, we have tended to think that this emotion prevents us from fulfilling our social role in the group,” he comments.
A common mistake is also to confuse temporary grief with depression. Which therefore equates to feelings of trauma, frustration, illness. Therefore, it is not surprising that some people perceive emotions.
This confusion stems from happiness perfectionism, the idea that being happy means being “good”… All the time. It’s an illusion, remembers journalist Helen Russell. “The main thing is not to be in a good mood all the time, but to live a good life. But the good life involves suffering. “Negativity, those moments in our lives when we’re worried, nostalgic, or worried, are part of normality,” says Christoph Andre. Happiness is balance. The correct ratio, according to the psychiatrist, would be to live one moment in a negative emotional register for three other positive ones.
accept her sadness
If we ignore our negative emotions, we can harm our mental health because it prevents us from accessing other areas of life, such as joy or pleasure, Helen Russell’s nuance. Trying to suppress sadness can also have physical consequences, from stomachaches or headaches to the risk of any excessive addiction, the author warns. According to him, it leads to a depressive state in some cases. “Which makes sense. If we consider sadness as somethingunnaturalwe will have a greater chance of making it pathological,” he explains.
Furthermore, a study conducted by the University of California, Berkeley, which was published Journal of Personality and Social Psychology In December 2018, examined the relationship between the acceptance of negative emotions and psychological health in more than 1,300 adults. Results? Participants who allowed their negative emotions to freely express themselves had fewer mood disorders. On the contrary, those who escaped from them were more affected by stress.
A Study of Tragic Happiness
How can we continue to better welcome this sadness? When an emotion is foreign to us, the first step is to accept it and realize that there are days with and days without. This includes not stopping crying. “If you feel the tears welling up, let them flow, it’s soothing,” commented journalist Helen Russell. If our emotions were repressed in our childhood, the first thing to do is stop apologizing or being ashamed of what we’re feeling, he says.
According to the British author, listening to sad music can also be related to emotions. A 2014 study confirms that it brings comfort and regulates bad mood and negative emotions. “It’s good to intensify the emotion to clear it, to get over it, but without surrendering,” echoes psychiatrist Christophe Andre.
In this video, how meditation can make us happier
It’s also important to take a step back from whatever you’re feeling and have a “resource person” to listen to. Physical activity, such as a 20-minute walk, rest, or a nice meal is also recommended.
Once the sadness is identified, it’s time to get out of it. The psychiatrist reminds us that emotion should not prevent us from acting. Going through this period of despair will not make us less happy, on the contrary. Christoph Andre confirms it. the only possible happiness is tragic, enduring happiness. “Life condemns us to be unhappy regularly, the solution is not to regret, but to console ourselves with moments of joy,” concludes the psychiatrist. Happiness does not mask sadness, it does not suppress it. It helps us face it.”
(1) How to be sadby Helen Russell, (English), HarperCollins Publishers, 384 p.
(2) Comforts we receive and those we giveBy Christophe Andre, Editions de l’Iconoclaste, 330 p., €21.90.
Source: Le Figaro
