Don’t underestimate the emotional pain of losing a beloved animal.

One of the hardest experiences we have to go through is without a doubt the death of our family and friends. Much has been written on the subject, especially how we deal with such losses or how we reorganize our lives so that (no matter what) it continues to hold its own.

Even with everything, sometimes we forget that we also have the ability to create deep bonds with species other than our own. The most obvious example occurs in dogs or cats, but is not limited to them.

Many value their pet as a member of the family: they assign a name to it, ascribe a personality to it, and collect all the common experiences. There is even something curious: in the end we perceive it as different from the rest of the species. Unique and special.

All of this leads us to an interesting question: can we go through the painful experience of death taking us away from our pet as the years go by? Is it normal to feel sad in such cases? What does science tell us about this?

Why does grief occur and how is it expressed?

It is often thought that grief arises solely in the face of death, but the truth is that this is not entirely true: it is an experience of deep emotional depth that erupts in the face of any loss that we consider significant. It may be a loved one; but also work, relationships, or even your own health.

Given that things are valuable to the extent that we can attribute this subjective quality to them, the loss of a beloved animal can also be a matter of grief. In the end, the truth is that there are no rules in this trance: everyone lives it in their own way. Therefore, it is impossible to make generalizations without falling into error.

Loss of a pet: silence and misunderstanding

The death of a pet is not always publicly recognized as a legitimate loss. No wonder a few years ago animals were just tools for hunting, transporting or grazing. Consideration of them as beings endowed with sentience has begun recently, although the first signs of domestication date back more than 11,000 years.

This misunderstanding can lead us to shut up in the face of loss, expecting others around us not to understand. Then there is a silent duel, which we prefer to keep secret, which lacks social support and which can cause very difficult emotions.

Today we know that losses that we do not talk about, as unfortunately happens in cases of suicide or caused by socially stigmatized diseases, can complicate this delicate process. The loss of a pet can also fall into this category.

Painful trance that can get complicated

The processes of grief are always complex. They represent an experiential transition that can change us forever, and in which we must activate all of our coping resources. Hardiness, social support, or even spiritual beliefs (a sense of the transcendence of one’s own life) play a very important role here.

Most of us eventually overcome this process, that is, remember what was lost, and in doing so, do not become overwhelmed by unbearable pain. However, sometimes it can become complicated, maintaining extremely difficult emotions for a long time, which can even degenerate into mental disorders.

For the first time face to face with death

For many children, the loss of a pet is their first contact with death, as many parents give their children small animals to stimulate their sense of responsibility. Warm explanations, adapted to the level of maturity, will turn into very valuable training in the face of other difficulties that they will have to face in the future.

It is important not to minimize what happened in these cases, and also to avoid replacing a pet with a similar one in order to alleviate the immediate suffering of the child. Our role must be to understand him, to let him know that we will stand by his side, and to resolve the many issues that may arise in the days following the loss.

Another feature of mourning a pet is the role we assume at the time of its death, as often its health deteriorates to such an extent that euthanasia has to be resorted to. While this is an act of compassion, it can lead to feelings of guilt and reflection on whether we have done our best.

In short, mourning the loss of an animal is a process that has extensive scientific evidence and should not be ignored or underestimated. It even has quirks that can make it more complex than we expect. If we feel pain when we say goodbye to our pet, we must recognize the naturalness of this emotion and face it like any other significant loss in our lives.

Joaquin Mateu Molla, Doctor of Clinical Psychology. Director of the MA in Gerontology and Person-Centered Care (International University of Valencia), International University of Valencia

This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original.

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