Former All Blacks player opens up about struggles and fears in documentary ‘We All Play’
Johnstone, who came out as gay a decade after retiring, explained the difficulties he faced and the fear that his sexual orientation could harm his career. “When I realised I was gay, I was scared that it would derail my career. I thought it would ruin my career because in my mind being gay and an All Black were not compatible,” he said.
In January last year, Johnstone became the first former New Zealand international to publicly come out as gay. Throughout his career, he had felt pressure to maintain the All Black image of a strong, straight and resilient man. The decision not to come out publicly was a difficult one, and had significant personal consequences. “When I would go to a bar and have thoughts come into my head, I would just keep them in my head and then bury them and just forget about them. It wasn’t good for me and I would end up blowing up. I had to face it and make a decision. At that moment I had two options: quit rugby or tell someone.”
Johnstone found support from his parents, which helped reduce his anxiety. “After talking to them, the anxiety went down. Then I thought, ‘Maybe I need to take it slow and tell someone else to reduce the anxiety level.'” The former player retired from rugby in 2012 after spells with Canterbury, Crusaders and Biarritz. He represented the All Blacks on three occasions.
By Ezatamentchy
Source: Maxima
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