My Son Asked Me How Two Men Had Sex. I was surprised by my reaction.

Recently, there has been a lot of talk about sex in my house.

When my 10-year-old son prepares for high school next year, he is increasingly interested in the body, puberty and, of course, sex. He was not interested existence Sex, he quickly informed me – in fact, when I first explained the physical machinations of sex, his first response was, “I don’t know, I’d rather play video games.”

But he was interested Understanding Sex, an incident that led to a series of difficult questions to answer: “But what does sperm do? Look Do you want? ”

We once looked at the diagram from inside the vagina. We found that the hole at the end of the penis is called the “urine flesh”. I was finally convinced that a man does not die to have a child with a woman. This is wild time.

I try to answer your questions honestly as well as age -appropriate, using clinical and related terms for body parts and sexual activities. Sometimes it’s a bit annoying or asks me questions I didn’t expect, for example when he asked me how old you are to have sex. (I realize: “There’s no set age, but you want to make sure you’re emotionally old enough to deal with it, find someone you trust to take this step, and have the information you need to do it right. safe., you should not have sex between children and adults. “)

While it’s not always easy or comfortable to do these conversations, I want my teen to be comfortable with himself or herself and not shy to ask me questions related to sex and sexuality. (Although recently I have had to tell him that it is not necessary whenever he gets erect, let me know.)

I have also been careful throughout her life not to accept my son’s sexuality; If we are talking about the idea of ​​a future partner, I mean a potential “boyfriend or girlfriend”, “husband or wife”. He had stoned people in his life and he knew other children with gay parents. He knew trans and non -trans people and once he told me a very nice joke: “What are chocolate bar pronouns? ის Totoo yan. “When he came home from school and repeated what a boy had said – ‘boys can’t kiss’ – I didn’t hesitate to say that, dear, they can and can.

I am a parent who says gay because my child’s sexual orientation (and potential gender identity) has not been revealed to me and it is important for me to let him know that I love him and that I support him no matter who he is. be. To attract.

So the next night, when he asked me if two men could have sex, I had no problem, I enthusiastically said: “Of course they can!” When he asked me how they do it, it all turned hairy.

Confused by my words, I reluctantly gave him the main thought. (Clinically and not in detail, but he understood its essence.)

I immediately started to guess my decision a second time. I had to say something absurd, like “People have different ways of kissing and touching,” I thought to myself, feeling the uncomfortable itch when I swam with another mom in a football training.

So later, when he thought of asking me how the two women were doing, I stopped and laid him down. (But not until he asked me if I did Not done? That I immediately answered and slightly panicked “It’s none of your business”, which I watched.)

The next day I was still thinking about our conversation and sat down with the vague feeling that I couldn’t move right.

Against the backdrop of Florida’s recently passed law on parental rights in education, popularly called the Do Not Say Gay Bill, there has been a lot of talk about how advocates view this discussion of sexuality. Gender orientation or identity and related topics are relatively sexual and therefore not appropriate for children. Ე is incorrect.

Knowing that some families have two mothers or two fathers is not sexual information. Young children do not sexualize things this way and there is no fundamental bias or inconsistency in knowing that LGBTQ + people exist.

But what about the children I am Is he old enough to teach about sex? (And experts agree that these conversations are perfectly appropriate for children ages 9 to 12, or younger, especially as they are on the brink of adolescence.)

If my child is old enough to have an honest explanation of the mechanics of heterosexual intercourse, why do I feel so embarrassed to give him the same information about stony sex? Especially when we consider that the sexual acts performed by rocky people are also performed by heterosexual people.

Somehow, when he asked me about the two men, the same information instinctively made me feel, well, Sexy.

I have to look at that discomfort. How can anyone have such good intentions and be liberal and honest Neither is completely correct How do I know if gay sex is dirtier or less appropriate to talk about than direct sex?

And I think I’m not alone. When I started trying to explore the topic, I found a lot of information on how to explain the concepts of sexual orientation and gender identity to children, but almost nothing tells them about rocky sex, at any age.

What if my child is gay? So wouldn’t my ability to provide inclusive LGBTQ sex education be invaluable? Don’t want my child to be sexually accustomed, knowledgeable, and equipped to stay safe regardless of their sexual orientation? Who will talk to him about issues like anal play safety and dental dams?

His school teachers are not required. According to the GLSEN 2019 National School Climate Survey only 8.2% of students (including those who did not receive sex education in school) “received inclusive LGBTQ sex education that includes LGBT, transgender and non-Arab identities and community “.

As a recognized lesbian middle school student, she told The Atlantic 2017 article on inclusive LGBTQ sex education “We were informed about the types of protection for heterosexual couples, but never about the options to protect gay / lesbian couples.

Despite my son’s attempts to combat heterosexuality, when I answered half of his questions about gay sex, didn’t I think it was information he didn’t need? If I had really considered the possibility that my child was not right, wouldn’t I have answered differently? Somewhat deceptive, heteronormative.

The more I googled and the more I thought about it, the more I felt misunderstood. Fortunately, this is not an unusual experience for a parent. I always make mistakes and when I make mistakes, I think my ability to acknowledge, accept responsibility and apologize is very important.

So last night, before bed, while all the important conversations were going on, I went back.

“You asked me last night about how two men and two women have sex,” I told him, “and I think I felt a little embarrassed or nervous, and I didn’t really answer what you asked.” But I thought about it more and I realized that if you’re old enough to know how straight people are when it comes to sex, there’s no reason you’re not old enough to know how gays have sex. So we can talk about the different ways of having sex with gays, which are also the ways of having sex with straight people, and I will answer any questions you may have.

There was nothing dirty or inappropriate in our conversation and, ultimately, she just wanted to know what actions could lead to pregnancy which, hey, is really important information!

I was even proud when he reacted “Wow, weird” to “In fact, this is not what I expected. I shouldn’t call it weird “, in less than 3 seconds with no request.

Perhaps most importantly, I told him I was embarrassed to talk about all this because of my superstitions, and everyone has superstitions, but we should investigate them and try to stay further away when they appear.

I hope this is a lesson we can take to heart, because the core belief that contributes to my discomfort in talking to my son about gay sex makes me feel that this is the same continuum of ideas that adopts “Don’t Say“ Florida Gay ”” and copying taxes.

To be clear, I don’t think we should teach kids how to have sex with anyone. But just as gays are not inherently irrelevant and education about LGBTQ communities is not inherently sexual, it also provides children with gay sex education. That’s big enough for sex education There is nothing dirtier than giving information to the right gender.

And in the case of LGBTQ children, this can be important.

Emily McCombs is the Deputy Director of HuffPost Personal. She writes and edits first-person essays on all topics, including identity (race, gender, sexuality, etc.), love and relationships, gender, parenting and family, temperament, health of the mind, and politics of the body.

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