“From 0 to 8 months, the child has a syncretic vision of the world.”

Young parents may be warned, but when the reality of a baby comes knocking on the door with its wand, its diapers and its sleepless nights, they end up being quite unprepared for what parenthood really entails. This is the observation of psychologist and psychopathologist Dr. Caroline Goldman, who reports a “certain discomfort around carrying, crying, eating or sleeping” but also “a certain ignorance of the child’s basic psychological needs.” On Thursday, Oct. 3, in the 26th episode of his self-titled podcast, the educational limitations specialist who just released his; A guide for today’s parents (Flammarion), attempts to respond to these parental anxieties and thus help alleviate them. Excerpts:

The Magic Trio vs Crying

There’s nothing like a baby crying. But do we have to move with every tear we shed? This is the debate that drives parents and psychologists. Caroline Goldman is adamant about this. As the clinical psychologist reminds, “from 0 to 8 months, the child knows nothing about everything, has a so-called “syncretic” view of the world”, he is pure, absolutely immature, devoid of bad intentions and always ready; for love “If his nose itches, he doesn’t know how to reach out to relieve it. she feels the itch and that’s it,” she portrays. If he hears a little loud noise that frightens him, he is unable to summon the slightest hopeful thought, he is afraid. Before graduation. “By comforting your baby immediately after birth, you will prevent him from learning to cry out loud.”

Therefore, everything goes through the sensory body in order to comfort him properly, explains the specialist, who immediately puts aside the old belief that being caught all the time gives bad habits. On the contrary, the psychologist recommends offering the baby as much skin-to-skin contact as possible, especially in the first three months. And in the face of intense crying, he favors the “magic” trinity: rocking, sucking (pacifier, breast feeding or finger) and song. “He needs hugs, sweet and touching words,” but also “needs comfort from an adult who tries to understand him and won’t let him go,” she sums up.

Take a break from the 8th month anxiety

These wise words will be beneficial for the next step. Around the 8th month, a difficult phase takes place on an emotional level. This is the so-called “separation anxiety” phase. This period, when the child intensively follows the parents with his eyes and wakes them up more at night, should be approached carefully, warns Caroline Goldman. “(the child) leaves his syncretic perception (General Perception of Things in Psychology, Editor’s Note) and realizes that he is different from his mother and father, he gradually becomes aware of his body. Then he feels a more or less pronounced form of anxiety, depending on how much you are provided in advance,” says the psychologist. Hence, it is more important than ever to respond to the calls of the young child, giving them guidelines and consistency in their daily rhythm and, if possible, avoiding interruptions, he advises.

Have fun, alone or with a child

In this podcast, the psychologist also wants to be encouraging and hopes to erase a little of the guilt that lives in every parent. Yes, love doesn’t have to come after returning from motherhood. Yes, we can be ambivalent about this parenting experience, torn between love and rejection, especially for mothers, she notes. That is why, in response to this completely normal phenomenon, we must allow ourselves the necessary time to adjust and develop our individual happiness, particularly by building a village. “Each parent is a common good, his happiness will rub off on his child (…) To be good, a mother can rely on the community of adults who surround her; father, his parents. chosen friends,” says Caroline Goldman. As a family, we will not hesitate to do things that make us happy. “(The child) will be contaminated by this pleasure and associate it with his value,” analyzes the specialist.

That being said, can we implicitly skip these early months? “Fear not, dear parents, for children usually have the intuition to cling to the healthy branches around them in order to grow well,” promises Caroline Goldman.

For 10-month-olds learning to walk and experiencing the first dangers, the 48-year-old woman, known for her crusade against positive education, still returns in the latest episode and without further details on her spearhead, which is important according to the agreement. to him, progressive application of educational frontiers. Among the most frequently mentioned by psychologists in the media, we find above the practice of “time-out”, which consists of taking a child aside under supervision so that he stops the behavior. But is it suitable for such a young age? This is the question we ask ourselves and would like to ask when taking out the headphones.