In his memoirs Meet Ella. the dog who saved my lifeKate Middleton’s Brother, to be released on Tuesday September 24, looks back on this dark period in her life.
In January 2019, she confided in her depression in a column published by The Daily Mail:. “It is not emotion, but the absence of emotion,” wrote James Middleton about this “cancer of the mind.” A life without purpose or direction. I couldn’t feel any joy or excitement, only the anxiety that pounded in my heart kept me awake in the morning. I felt misunderstood, a complete failure.” Since then, the brother of Kate and Pippa Middleton has confided in his memoirs Meet Ella. the dog who saved my life (Introducing Ella, the dog who saved my lifeFrench), which will be published on Tuesday September 24 by Radar, that he once “committed suicide”.
In an extract from the work revealed in the preview Daily Mail: James Middleton is indeed reminiscent of this dark period of his existence. “Life is no longer worth living,” he writes in the book. I feel suicidal. I’m thinking of ways to die so I can get off this dizzying roller coaster that’s driving me to the brink of insanity.” Before continuing. “I misunderstood myself. I feel like a complete failure. I wouldn’t wish this feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness, isolation and loneliness on anyone, not even my worst enemy. I feel like I’m going crazy.” While he declares in his memoirs that he is “privileged” and “lucky” to have his family’s support, he admits that he was “rejected” at one time.
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“Dark thoughts invade me”
“I don’t answer their calls,” he admits. I ignore their emails. I do not respond to their invitations. I hide behind a double-closed door, out of reach.” A depression that peaked one night in November 2017. Then he thought of jumping off the roof of a building in London. “Dark thoughts invade me,” she explains. What can I do to stop them? I’m thinking about jumping off the roof. Who will find me? Is the taxi driver passing by? Neighbor? And James Middleton continued: So my family, though they were desperately grieving, would be spared the additional torture of knowing that I had committed suicide.”
Alize Thevene’s husband owes his rescue only to his dog Ella, who has since died. “I imagine myself without him, and this stream of thoughts disturbs me,” she says. What would Ella do without me? He depends on me and I depend on him. The feeling is completely mutual.” Before adding: “What if I die? How long would she wait alone in the apartment before they found her? I have loved him with all my being since he was a little blind newborn puppy. He was my companion, my hope, my support in my darkest days. He loved me unconditionally, faithfully. It is thanks to him that I did not take this fatal step.” A decisive episode, which inspired the thirty-year-old young man the title of his work.
Kate Middleton’s engagement
In his memoirs, the author also shared many confidences. She particularly remembers Kate Middleton announcing her engagement to Prince William in 2011. He reportedly went to a Berkshire pub with his sisters. Before the future Princess of Wales breaks the news to him. “We are sitting in a corner, talking quietly,” he recalls. Catherine whispers the news and says it will be known in the next day or two. Pippa and I want to show our joy, but we have to control our emotions so that no one suspects anything.’ Both will be among the guests at the ceremony to be held on April 29, 2011.
Oversized shirt
In another passage, the thirty-year-old recalls how Gales accidentally met his wife, Alize Thevenet. James and his wife-to-be were at the Middleton family home in Bucklebury, where they decided to spend the night at the last minute. The only downside was that the couple were not aware at the time that the Welsh and their children were living in the house at the same time. Alize Thevene walked down the stairs in a simple James Middleton shirt, coming face-to-face with her companion Prince William and Kate. But he would maintain his dignity in front of them.
“Alizee is the perfect French in situations like this,” marvels James Middleton. He doesn’t panic or rush upstairs to get dressed. Instead, he greets everyone warmly, as if it’s not a little unusual to meet his friend’s sister and brother in an oversized shirt.” A work in which he also remembered the day when his sister asked him to read at the wedding.
Public reading
Diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 11, James Middleton recalled the panic he felt when Kate asked him to read a passage from the Bible during the ceremony. “My mind flashed back to school and my clumsy, incoherent efforts to read in front of the class,” she explains. But what were they thinking? Being dyslexic, reading was my least favorite leisure activity.” She reportedly gave in anyway “casually”, thinking that “if it was what her sister and William wanted, then of course she would do anything not to disappoint them”.
Queen Elizabeth II’s peerage
On the occasion of the wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William, James Middleton also saw the Queen at the tea table in Sandringham. A meeting to which he would arrive even more nervous than usual in the company of his sister Pippa. “We were out of breath, confused and barely managed to get up to change,” he wrote. I went down the stairs step by step and headed towards the room where everyone was gathered for tea, almost running into His Majesty’s arms. »
In the confusion, however, James Middleton would use an incorrect peerage to address the sovereign. “All the way to Norfolk I repeated in a whisper. “Your Majesty” when addressing the Queen and “Your Royal Highness” when speaking to the Duke of Edinburgh. But in my blind panic I shouted. “I’m so sorry I’m late, Your Royal Highness.” An episode the clan certainly still laughs about years later.
Source: Le Figaro
