Changing diapers makes you a “new dad.”

They are everywhere. At the end of the manger, near the sand castles, in the squares, in the aisles of the supermarket. They sleep in the maternity ward, flood social networks with photos of their children, go to parent meetings… Their names are printed on T-shirts and mugs. They know how to fold strollers and liven up birthday parties. Dads seem to be everywhere…but what’s really “new” about them? A 2020 INSEE study found that the distribution of roles did not actually change among heterosexual couples.

While playing with children and shopping are areas where men are increasingly stepping in, laundry, housework with children, cleaning and cooking remain overwhelmingly women’s responsibilities. already authors of reflections on male contraception, Contraceptive (Ed. Steinkiss, 2021), journalists Guillaume Dodin and Stéphane Jourdain investigated the fathers of their generation, quick to praise their deconstruction live without actually questioning it. The New Fathers Scam:a comedy just published by Éditions Glénat.

A way to tell

The phrase “new fathers” is far from recent. Since the 1970s, it has come to mean fathers who differ from the previous generation by being more physically and emotionally invested in their children, more able to express their feelings and communicate. Light years away paterfamilias and authority figure. “These are the dads who change diapers when their dads haven’t. Does that really make them “new dads”? How much do they change? What will they do next? Do they equally share the mental burden of everyday life?’

The dynamic of “new fathers” is also “personal branding,” the valorization of fathers that is presented as invested to the detriment of mothers, whose work remains invisible. A father traveling alone with children on a train will be seen as an everyday hero, and a wife alone with children as a source of trouble. Seven years after MeToo and four years after Covid, nothing has really changed in families. Since 1986, men’s involvement in parental responsibilities has increased by only nine points,” adds Guillaume Dodin.

A father traveling alone with children by train will be seen as an everyday hero, and a single woman with children as a source of trouble.

Collective illusion

Two families go on vacation together. The two fathers are busy around the sandcastle. In the distance, mothers watch from their armchairs. Before leaving, they thought about water bottles and sunscreen. During the trip, a report on the radio about the inequities in holiday management reminded us that women go out more tired than the rest of the year. The two men, the authors of the comic strip, realized that they were “new fathers” only… on their Instagram account.

“I was interested,” emphasizes Stéphane Jourdain, “to study how men tell the story of their fatherhood.” When we collectively make fools of ourselves, we abdicate our responsibilities and stay in our comfort zone.” “At the end of the day, mothers are being cheated because they invest in an equal couple, but when the baby comes, their housework time explodes and fathers’ time decreases. Fathers deceive themselves by deceiving themselves, and children are indirectly victims of this pretense. In their presentation of the world, it is mothers who rule everyday life,” adds Guillaume Dodin.

What solutions?

Until 2002, fathers had only 3 days off after the birth of a child. The right was increased to 11 days, then to 28 days in 2021. However, according to the two authors, these political reforms are not enough to fundamentally change the involvement of fathers in the management of family life. “Paternity leave is still considered leave to support the mother in the postpartum period. What could change things is a drastic change in paternity leave to a period when the father is left alone with his child, as in the Nordic countries,” suggests Guillaume Dodin. His friend goes further. “This is a whole world that needs to be shaken. the company must develop in such a way that family time is not considered time taken away from work.”