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In a video posted on her Instagram page on May 27, British star psychologist Julie Smith explains what happens in the brain when we suffer from insecurities related to the connection we made in childhood.
As a couple, the slightest sign of affection or indifference from your partner makes you fear falling out of love and breaking up. These warning signals may mask insecurities related to the bond built during childhood. This is what British clinical psychologist Julie Smith, who is known on social networks as “Dr. Julie” says in a video published on her Instagram page on May 27. Uncovering these mind mechanisms allows you to avoid damaging your romantic relationship over time, she says.
Past insecurities
The psychologist begins his demonstration with a question. “You start to worry when you don’t hear from your partner, or when you haven’t seen him for a long time, you start to worry that he won’t love you more or that he’s cheating on you.” If we recognize ourselves in this description, then, according to the expert, it is likely that we grew up in an environment where love and relationships with our parents were “unreliable or unpredictable.” We have sometimes felt loved, sometimes rejected, to the point where we wonder if we are worthy of love. “So it’s understandable that you’ve developed an anxious attachment style that has become your relationship model and that follows you into adulthood,” continues Julie Smith. A partner’s slight coldness can remind us of an unstable emotional situation.
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Understanding this mechanism is the first step to learning to feel more secure in your relationship, says the expert. “When the brain generates a fear response, it doesn’t have all the elements. Therefore, he tries to understand what is happening now, referring to the memories of similar previous situations, explains the psychologist. If previously signs of coldness from a loved one meant the possibility of rejection or abandonment, the brain alerts you that this is an emergency situation. Hence the importance of considering our experiences in trying to understand our feelings and emotions in the present. The goal is to train yourself to detect false alarms so you avoid overreacting by replaying past patterns.
Source: Le Figaro
