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A 6 minute technique or how to quickly resolve a conflict between two people

on the website of Psychology todayAn American psychologist shares a three-step method for improving listening skills in our relationships.

We can’t say enough. Communication is key in any relationship. To optimize it within the couple and family, three pillars must be respected: mirror conversation“, shows psychologist Lawrence J. Cohen. In an article posted on the website of the American magazine on January 1 Psychology todaya doctor of psychology, a specialist in parenting, therefore offers a simple method to improve the quality of our connections.

In the introduction, the specialist asks us a question. “Do you listen to your partner as much and as often as he or she would like?” This question can be applied to all intimate relationships, such as between a parent and child, as a couple, or between two friends. If the exposure is negative, a “simple mirroring technique” can put an end to the miscommunication, he says.

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3-2-1 technique

The method is fast and takes no more than 6 minutes, the psychologist promises. In turn, one of the partners speaks and the other listens carefully. The first person to speak speaks for 3 minutes. “Talk from the heart about what concerns you or what you want to share,” advises the doctor of psychology. As soon as the timer goes off, it’s important to stop talking. Then our thoughts will have a better chance of being heard than if we talk too long.

Then we start the timer again. 2 minutes during which the listener can return to what the other person said. Psychologists call this the “mirror” stage. Explanations: “He can use the exact words or paraphrase what the other person said without commenting or judging what he heard.” According to the expert, here is an example of a sentence that does not respect the “mirror” exercise. “You said you don’t care where we eat, but I know that’s not really your concern. not equal.” We prefer a sentence like: “I hear you don’t care where we’re going to eat.”

When the time runs out, the timer starts one last time, this time for one minute. The person who spoke first speaks again to respond to this mirror thought. “We can say, ‘Thank you for listening to me, you heard me right,’ or ‘You understood part of it, but you missed this point,’ or even ‘I’m not sure you understood me, let me repeat the key point.’ ,- we can read on the website of the specialist media. The key is to be careful not to bring up a brand new topic at the last second, because “there’s not enough time for it to sink in,” he explains.


At the end of this cycle, all we have to do is switch roles. But the art of communication cannot be invented. If the technique suits us, Lawrence J. “The goal of 3-2-1 is not to instantly resolve a long-standing conflict,” warns the psychologist. The goal is simply to feel heard and to benefit from attentive listening.” There is hope that the conversations will become more fluid in the future. On your timers.

Source: Le Figaro

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