Rather a dog than a child. “It plays with the same mechanisms as the classic maternal instinct.”

7.6 million This is the number of dogs owned by the French. In two-thirds of homes, this animal is considered a full member of the family. For some, he even takes the place of the king, the place of the only child in the house. This is the case of Colonel, a 4.5-year-old border terrier who lives with Helen Gatto, a trained veterinarian, columnist and author. In his new book. Why I chose to have a dog (and not a child) (1)This expert explains how her fused and unique bond with her dog superseded potential motherhood.

This testimony is in the form of introspection without a child (the presumed choice not to have children) resonates with the generation of 20-35 year olds, the leading pet owners in France (60% of French pet owners are between 25 and 34) and who are increasingly pushing back their desire. have a baby. More broadly, his book questions the special bond that comes with the four-legged animal. Can we really feel a motherly instinct for a dog? Are we not going too far in this relationship with our animal? Are there no rules to follow or boundaries to set? Explanations by Helen Gatto, personally.

In the video, during the Chanel show, the model with the dog on the catwalk

Madame Figaro . – What are the motivations at stake that encourage the French to get a dog today?
Helen Gatto. – We all know the classic reason a dog is the perfect family member with children, but there are other reasons. We may decide to adopt a dog to do activities with, then it becomes a walking companion. A loyal and trustworthy companion dog can also fill loneliness, especially in an individualistic society. Moreover, more than other nationalities, the French have a special relationship with the canine race. There is an age-old explanation for that. Louis XIV was passionate about dogs, not just hunting dogs. Having dogs in his court was a trick. In addition, since the end of the Middle Ages, they have been considered companion animals, not just utility animals. And finally, there is my explanation: the dog, who becomes a child substitute for some.

It is true that you made a choice not to have a dog or a child. Why address this topic in your book?
This is not a new idea. It’s just that they never listened to him until now. In the past, these childless women surrounded by dogs were called “dog mothers”. It was humiliating. It seems to me that today it is something that we can assume more. We may decide we want to take care of a dog because it is less burdensome than a child. I adopted the colonel after a divorce (I was married for ten years) and he changed my life. I began to have a different rhythm to taking care of him, to the point that some people around me found my relationship with my dog ​​to be a bit excessive. However, the colonel is not my first pet, but I have never been involved in such a way. This challenged me. Why such a link? Why such a commitment? Maybe it’s a matter of age? The Colonel played an important role at a pivotal stage in my life, at the end of a love story and at this critical age in my early forties, where the question of children still arises. For my part, I never wanted one, even married, it was never an object for me. I chose to adopt the colonel. I made a choice to be more individual and protect my way of life, my freedom.

However, you talk about maternal instinct to qualify how you feel about your dog. Is it comparable?
Yes, it plays on the same mechanisms as the classic maternal instinct. From a hormonal, biochemical, neural point of view, what I am experiencing is very close to the mother-child bond. This need to care for someone other than themselves, the known, is unique to humans care Caring for an animal is an outlet for our nurturing behavior. Suddenly I feel like I’m stepping out on a bit of a taboo.

We may decide we want to foster a dog because it is less constrained than a child

Helen Gatto

Furthermore, you mention society’s difficulty in accepting that a woman or man might prefer to have a dog rather than a child…
Yes, because we are freeing ourselves from a kind of normality that creates criticism, questioning and even envy about the freedom we give ourselves. I choose a life that is not about perpetuating the species, but also about disrupting it.

“When you forget that your dog is one, there’s a problem”

Can a child be replaced by a dog?
Obviously not. A dog is not a child. Caring for her can be a way to create attachment that fulfills the maternal instinct and brings well-being and fulfillment. But there is still an animal. It’s normal to have human feelings for a dog. But when you forget that your dog is one, a problem arises. His needs are different. You should never lose it.

Can a relationship with a dog be too fused?
It is true when I tell him. “Come see mommy” might make you smile. I address him as a mother addresses her child. I use high intonations, short words, loosely structured sentences. I may sound ridiculous, but this is how a human being acts when talking to a living thing that has no verbal language. Another thing, the colonel sleeps with me. Maybe I’m going too far here. But I am lucky to have a balanced dog. if i put him in the living room because i have a lover in my bedroom he won’t scratch at the door. He is well brought up.

In other words.
A dog is not aware of good or evil from a human point of view. It is up to us to ensure that it has the framework to integrate well into our lives. If we do this job correctly in the first year, we will have a dog adapted to the life of human society, with which we can eliminate some boundaries. All this upstream work avoids, for example, ending up with a dominant dog that may not accept another human approaching. This is called resource protection. the dog defends its bowl, its toys, its water. He can also invest it in his attachment. In this case, it is necessary to accompany a behavior specialist to put the dog in its place.

Owning a dog requires a wholehearted investment in its education and well-being.

Helen Gatto

How do you enforce these fair boundaries on your dog?
At home, I taught the Colonel to stay calm in the basket with the three-dimensional rule: duration, distance, deflection. I trained him not to move for a period of time that I gradually increased by staying next to him, then gradually moving away, and finally by telling him to stay put despite nearby stimuli. Like an arcade game, I increased the difficulty as I went. The important thing is not to ask for too much at once. Owning a dog requires a wholehearted investment in its education and well-being, especially in the first year. Some owners may even feel dog blues in the early days.

We say like a master, like a dog. How is your dog like you?
We choose a dog like we choose our car or house, based on the image we want to give about ourselves. The Colonel is a Border Terrier, a breed I like because I find them mischievous, smart, rustic. They are even stubborn, even obsessive. Like me. And since I’m in charge, I like that he keeps his mustache neatly trimmed. When you name your dog Tyson or Puppet, that says something. It is obvious that everything will go well with me and the colonel.

You say dogs have learned to look at us…
Yes! Over the millennia, they have developed a muscle that the wolf does not have, which allows them to spread their eyelids even further and release the sclera from the eye. As humans we are very sensitive to it, but it is a dog adaptation. It makes it look more expressive.

Can a dog feel love?
For a long time, following the legacy of Descartes, scientists believed that he was able to feel only the primary emotions: fear, anger, sadness, disgust, joy and surprise. More complex emotions such as grief, love or jealousy were out of the question. Later studies revealed that they are gifted with sensitivity. Suddenly we start talking about feelings, and therefore love.

Be it pet parent, it is to inquire daily about his well-being

Helen Gatto

What is the difference between the Anglo-Saxon concept? fart parents (pet parents) and those who consider their pet to simply belong to the family.
It is no longer about ownership, owners or mistresses who will dominate the animal’s life, but about responsibility. Be it pet parent, it’s about treating your dog like a child because we’ll be concerned about his well-being on a daily basis. For example, we don’t plan to go on vacation without him, or we will make sure he is as well as possible. We do more things based on it.

You remember that kids eventually leave the house, but the loyal dog always stays…
When you have a baby, you find yourself aging faster. In the case of the colonel, it will never happen, because I will accompany him to his end. The strange thing is that the dog lives until the age of 18, about the age when a child leaves home and parents. This parallel between the end of a dog’s life and the departure of a child is quite surprising…

(1) Why I chose to have a dog (and not a child); By Hélène Gatto, Editions Albin Michel. In bookstores September 13.