Gustav-Nicolas Fisher, psychologist. “Forgiveness is the only remedy I’ve found for trauma”

A therapist friend she met recently in Montreal told her: “You like salmon, you like to swim upstream.” Health psychologist Gustav-Nicola Fischer claims. “To be interested in forgiveness in 2023 is to go against the tide of the current climate, where we no longer know what it means to forgive. When you were betrayed, hurt, broken, how do you do this “senseless” act? From murderous attacks to devastating bloodshed, from family breakdown to romantic betrayal, can we heal by continuing to hate the one who hurt us? Professor Gustave-Nicolas Fischer, who has taught for twenty years at the universities of Lausanne, Strasbourg and Lorraine, as well as in Montreal, has helped many victims recover from trauma. His North American experience led him to discover the psychology of forgiveness, which does not yet have a place in France, and which he values; Sorry. Healing the wounds of life. “It is the inner strength of each of us that allows us to heal from hatred,” he says, “and it offers a radically new perspective. forgiveness allows us to return to ourselves and to life.” Unique analysis.

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Forgiveness, a power that frees

“Today we judge, accuse, condemn, but we no longer forgive. Crime has become unforgivable in a society of conflicts accompanied by violence and conflicts. Not only does forgiveness no longer have a place, but I also notice a kind of reversal of values. “Unforgiveness” is valued as a strength that will help us overcome difficulties. It is a testament to our individual and collective inability to overcome our impulses. For many, forgiveness is a tool to stay zen or even a sign of hypocrisy, compromise. We anchor forgiveness in the spiritual or religious, and our presentation is meaningless. Because it has nothing to do with reconciliation or repentance. It’s not about fixing relationships or making compromises. Forgiveness is a mental strength that allows a victim to get back on track. A senseless, extraordinary act of getting rid of one’s own hatred.

Wounded life goes round in circles

“I hate him”, “I want him to die”… In the testimonies I have collected from victims of violence or heartbreaking separations, many call their abuser a “monster”, “bastard”. “Sorry. Don’t you think about it?” a woman who had been sexually abused for years told me. I wanted to explore this connection between hatred and the inability to forgive. A mental wound is an extreme experience. everything was destroyed, shaken to its core. For many victims, the damage is irreparable and forgiveness unimaginable. This evil that they follow contains resentment, resentment, hatred, psychological locks that prevent them from breaking free and restoring themselves. Not forgiving feeds a sense of revenge that gnaws at victims and invades their inner world. Freezing on the wound of their past, the traumatic memory sprinkles, evil spreads its power over the present. In order to begin to forgive, you must stop hating the person who hurt you. Otherwise, we go round in circles with our unhappiness. »

Forgiveness is the ability to let go of the burden of hatred to recreate another life

Gustav-Nicolas Fischer, psychologist

You won’t get my hate

The words of Antoine Leiris, who had just learned of his wife’s death in the Bataclan attack on November 13, 2015. “You have stolen the love of my life, the mother of my son, but you will not have it. “My Hate” repeats this process that I observed in therapy. to come out of hatred is to stop the spiral of death in oneself. Resistance fighter Lucy Obrak said that forgiveness is a way to “unlearn hate.” Forgiveness itself is not understandable, it cannot be demanded. It is an inner pregnancy, a personal and experimental journey that takes time, sometimes a lifetime. One of my patients, a victim of incest, took a long time to reconnect with her abusive father. It is an internal battle, the challenge of which is not to accept the damage caused, but to own a bruised life. Forgiveness is the ability to let go of the burden of hatred to recreate another life free of the harm done to us. A person who has the confidence to come out of it, even weakened, who still has hope, is in a position to forgive.

justice and peace

“During a criminal trial, which is a very powerful moment, many victims expect a word of repentance from the perpetrator, which does not always come. The impossibility of forgiveness stems from the fact that the aggressor never asked them for forgiveness. This vision encapsulates forgiveness in a kind of transaction, “I forgive you if you ask for forgiveness,” while at the psychic level they are two different paths. The purpose of justice is not forgiveness, its function is to correct wrongs and condemn the guilty. It can sometimes bring about a form of mental regeneration, as shown in the film I will always see your facesBy Jeanne Heary, focused on restorative justice. the discussion group brings together victims and perpetrators of crime, all volunteers. This connection makes it possible to move towards tranquility. Justice can repair, it does not cure.

Forgiveness in four steps

“Forgiveness is learning. For thirty years, the psychology of forgiveness has existed in the United States, a therapeutic process still neglected in France. Group and individual sessions are held with patients who suffer from seizures, violence, after painful separations. The idea is to move them from a hostile relationship to their attacker to a human relationship. This learning goes through four main stages developed by the American professor Robert Enright, which combine cognitive, affective and behavioral factors. The victim first returns to the crime he suffered, dealing with his pain and anger. Step two: He evaluates his willingness to forgive and may realize that what he did in the past didn’t work. He then brings his aggressor back into his story, no longer limiting him to his destructive actions. The last step is emotional forgiveness. we cannot erase evil, but we can courageously commit to accepting our suffering and rediscovering the sense of living. The therapeutic effects of forgiveness have been widely documented in North American studies for depression, anxiety disorders, reduced anger, and are accompanied by better self-esteem and greater confidence. Forgiveness is a power that heals. this treasure that is buried within us, we must seek it. My observation may be provocative, but it is the only psychological remedy I have found for trauma. I meet people every day who are dead inside. Forgiveness sends the message that life is out there. »

Sorry. Heal the wounds of life By Gustav-Nicolas Fischer, Ed. Odile Jacob, 240 pages, €22.90.