Pain is a natural response to the contingencies of existence and is part of everyone’s curriculum.
Unrequited love hurts. It hurts to break up a relationship. It hurts not to be part of it. The drama of the refugees and the Yanomami hurts. It hurts not to have the bread. The pointed word hurts against the heart. It hurts the spine. Head hurts. We are daily crossed by facts and experiences that hurt us in some way. We can even go on with the fantasy that well-being will be preserved, anxious and ready to deactivate any symptom contrary to instant relief, but this is just a fiction script.
In real life, sooner or later, the penny drops: pain is part of everyone’s curriculum. Denying this aspect will not make us better or happier, criticizes the book Palliative Society – Pain Today (Voices), by Byung-Chul Han, a famous South Korean philosopher based in Germany and already known for other books that deal with contemporary issues with relentless sincerity. In his recent work, the author addresses how the social media liking craze and the duress to conform are fakes. And he puts his finger on the wound: algorithms invent happiness. What Han proposes is to take the need for regret and grief out of the shadows and put them back in their proper place.
Pain is a component of life
“You forget that pain purifies. The culture of enjoyment lacks the possibility of catharsis”. Han welcomes the discomfort as the inevitable – without it being a reason for inferiority, without making him a tormentor and without using it as an excuse. And he defends that, by silencing the pain, the solidarity, empathy for the other. Insensitivities do not reflect on the direction of the world. But, above all, they prevent humanity from taking a closer look at itself, ignoring corners and angles that need polishing.
“Pain is a component of life. The only ones who annihilate the idea of an inner world don’t feel it, who spend their lives distracted”, summarizes the psychoanalyst Mariana Mies, from the Sociedade Brasileira de Psicanálise de São Paulo. “In an attempt to suffocate it, we lose the saddest thing of all: not having a whole and true existence”, points out the specialist in the human soul.
“This mutilated experience that I can only deal with what is happy in me and that I cannot deal with what is jealous, angry, envious, destructive is suffocating; because something in us knows when we are not acting in complete harmony. And this awareness makes us perpetually uncomfortable, anxious, anguished. There is no peace”, he summarizes.
Pains are not scandals
The first maneuver to be, let’s say, whole and allow this coexistenceof light and dark of the soul has to do with a complex thought of existence. “Human beings are not as relevant on the planet as they think they are”, criticizes Mariana.
“We are just another someone and we are subject to reality like anyone else. You have to stop fighting with the fact that reality goes against your desires and expectations. It is an unfolding of events that we sometimes like and sometimes dislike. I often joke that the first frustration of my day is the alarm clock”, he points out.
Peace of mind depends on realizing that we operate by the rules of the world, not the other way around. Something for which society is instagrammable, let’s be honest, certainly does not cooperate. Instagram is the creation of a parallel reality, the reality of the desire for life to be that and only that, with love and healthy, beautiful children, travel and laughter.
How is life behind the algorithm
“You almost hear people say they wanted it that way. When posting happy images, deep down people are asking that, at least in the minds of the followers, the image is convincing. When the other believes that my life is like that, it relieves me a little. After all, I am giving the impression that I am not inferior and the other is believing it”, reflects Mariana.
Reality goes far beyond what is shown
Behind this behavior is the comparison pain, which Mariana respects, but dismantles with two good arguments. “Comparisons are always unfair, because they are partial. You are comparing yourself to pieces of the other person’s life, not the other person’s life as a whole, because you don’t have the complete information. And then there is the see-saw element of life. Everyone, at some point, gets kicked in the ass, takes a hit, is unable to travel. Everyone gets screwed from time to time,” she observes.
“The fact that the feed hiding all this only reveals how much anguish is involved in not being able to reveal to the other, or essentially to yourself, that you don’t have everything you want, that sometimes things take a very different course”, continues the professional.
Frustration helps with maturity
We already know what happens to children who are never frustrated. They are unable to deal with conflicts and contradictions. What we need to observe is that the cutting of expectations, if, on the one hand, it hurts, on the other, it opens the way to acceptance, the only place where the change of paradigms can begin. In Buddhism, acceptance has nothing to do with resignation or defeat. Like a sword, it interrupts resistance, allowing you to see beyond appearances, projections and distortions. It’s a pass. The breaking of the illusion of control is even stronger in the relationship with the other.
“The other is always someone who will remind you of your size, your limited relevance. Because he is independent, autonomous and free, his will may not suit yours. On the other hand, if you understand and accept this, your own autonomy gains strength. That is, if the other is free to make their own decisions, which may not be the best for you, you are also free from the suffering of having to serve them. Gently, preferably, because we already know that it doesn’t hurt”, analyzes Mariana.
Pain is vital for survival
The existence of suffering is a natural response to a lot of life’s contingencies. The analogy with physical pain makes this more evident. Neurologist Gabriel Kubota, coordinator of the neurology division of the pain group at Hospital das Clínicas de São Paulo, talks about the physiological role of acute pain, fundamental for survival and homeostasis (the body’s ability to remain healthy). “Acute pain allows the person to adapt their behavior in order to avoid injury. And, if you have an injury, it favors that injury to heal, ”he says.
“Example: the person is cooking and accidentally bumps into the hot frying pan. She will feel pain before her skin burns. Nerve endings in the skin signal the presence of noxious stimuli so that we quickly remove our hand from the heat. If you don’t give time and the hand burns, the person will continue to feel pain for some time as a resource that will make them remember to protect the limb until it recovers”, demonstrates Gabriel.
There are pains that unfortunately never go away. “In the body, chronic pain affects about 37% of the Brazilian population. Among the main ones are headaches and low back pain”, says Mariana Palladini, physician in charge of Centro Paulista de Dor. According to the anesthesiologist, physical pain cannot be separated from the brain. It gets worse and better with the influence of the mind. That’s why it’s essential to have symptom control medications, such as anti-inflammatories, analgesics, physical exercises, physiotherapy and also some kind of psychotherapy. “The intention is to remove the pain from the patient’s front and, at least, position it on the side”, agrees Gabriel Kubota.
Dealing with pain takes courage
The discomfort decreases in intensity and may even remain present, but it will not be disabling. Living hurts on multiple levels. In the case of the most intense pains of the soul, sometimes a set of unpleasant emotions is needed, but which are fundamental for the person to realize that it is necessary to take action and break up, for example, an abusive relationship – and believe that he can be happier down the road. Feeling sad, in this case, is a reflex of protection. Pain also teaches. And, like every teacher, he needs a student willing to learn.
It is not easy to recognize that maybe you are an envious person. However, only those who assume that they suffer for it can, at some point, change the key and become more grateful for what they have and admire what the other has to offer. Pretending the pain doesn’t exist doesn’t eliminate it. And one day the bill also arrives.
It takes courage to face doctors, therapists or, intimately, a conscience stripped of filters about oneself and the world. Without realizing your frustrations, it is impossible to move forward. Well said the writer Susan Sontag: “Everyone who is born has dual citizenship in the kingdom of the healthy and in the kingdom of the sick.” Ignoring this dual reality is half living.
By Kátia Stringueto – Vida Simples Magazine
Kátia is a journalist and has realized that, despite being sad at first, the pain opens the way to another landscape, full of reliefs and colors.
Source: Maxima
I am an experienced author and journalist with a passion for lifestyle journalism. I currently work for Buna Times, one of the leading news websites in the world. I specialize in writing stories about health, wellness, fashion, beauty, interior design, and more. My articles have been featured on major publications such as The Guardian and The Huffington Post.