In an article published on December 1 Psychology todayAn American Gestalt therapist offers a simple technique to recognize and avoid a toxic person in one hour.
At one o’clock. This is the duration that may be sufficient for us to detect a potential future toxic effect on the conversation itself. This is what American psychotherapist Elinor Greenberg says in an article published on the website on December 1. Psychology today . A Gestalt therapist specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of borderline, narcissistic, and schizotypal personality disorders presents an accessible method for observing potentially harmful behavior in a new friend, lover, or even family member.
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Count the number of negative comments he made
The technique involves conducting a 60-minute conversation with the person suspected of being toxic. On this occasion, we count the number of negative comments made by the mentioned person, explains the psychotherapist. Then we track how often he complains, belittles a person or object, shares malicious gossip, or expresses dislike for something, the expert notes. “If that person makes four or more derogatory remarks in an hour, they are likely to have a toxic effect on our lives,” warns Elinor Greenberg.
The psychotherapist reminds us that unhappiness is contagious. Obviously, the goal is to surround yourself not only with people who are doing good, but to associate with positive, benevolent individuals outside of any constant judgment. Christoph Haag, social psychology researcher and author Emotional contagion (1) confirmed this to us in the previous article. “It only takes 21 thousandths of a second for an emotion to pass from one individual to another. Which means that as soon as we interact with someone, we pick up on their feelings. If they are beneficial people, with positive thoughts, they will help us regulate ourselves and calm down emotionally.
Compare the estimate with a trusted relative
In his article, the therapist imagines this. It can happen to anyone in a negative state of mind. “But most of us don’t do it over and over again for an hour,” he insists. To prove this, he suggests doing the exercise described above with a loved one, then comparing the score with the trusted person to the score with the suspected toxic person.
Of course, the method is not foolproof, admits Elinor Greenberg, especially in new encounters, where some individuals may initially show their favor and then turn negative over time.
That’s why psychotherapists advise people who have been abused in the past to get to know someone before getting emotionally involved. And if the doubts continue, then it is quite possible to conduct the test several times during the relationship.
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Source: Le Figaro
