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Before you reach the storm of divorce, there are warning factors and can warn. This is what the American psychologist shows Psychology today.
They say that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce. But how do we reach the tipping point? Certain warning signs can signal this breakdown, suggests American psychologist Mark Travers in an article on his website. Psychology today Thursday, September 5: Drawing on the work of John Gottman, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington and expert in predicting divorce, he reveals four harmful behaviors in marriage, nicknamed the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” that when they occur. too regularly, can affect the relationship or even cancel it completely.
Criticize personality
It’s after 10 pm, your partner didn’t come home at the agreed time and didn’t warn you. After returning home, it’s time for explanations. This dialogue can go badly if the reproach is drowned in general criticism of his personality. Saying “you always do it” or “you never do it” can be particularly damaging to a relationship because it shifts the focus from the problem to the partner’s perceived shortcomings, says psychologist Mark Cross. These criticisms are not used to express displeasure, but rather to blame others. The other person can then feel rejected, hurt and angry, which can quickly snowball into other relationship problems.” So, according to the psychologist, instead of criticizing a character line, it would be preferable to separate the feeling that caused this delay in us, for example, to be concerned here.
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Always take a defensive stance
In friendship and love, some people never take up their responsibilities and constantly give up on themselves. All it takes is one scolding and they’re going to position themselves as the victim (“why me?”) or give up on themselves by counter-attacking the other (“it’s not me, it’s you”). Although we all resort to this defensive position at times, Mark Travers notes that regular use of this method only “delays the resolution of existing relationship problems because it is a formidable weapon for avoiding responsibility,” he wrote.
In fact, according to the expert, partners in a healthy relationship should not experience difficulties or be afraid of taking responsibility for a mistake. “After all, defensiveness only serves to show the spouse that we don’t take their concerns seriously,” she concludes.
Show contempt
This is probably one of the most obvious signs of a relationship in trouble. Lustful expressions, humiliating or humiliating nicknames, winking, teasing… When contempt creeps into the couple, the red flag should be raised, the psychologist assures. Indeed, this very toxic attitude, generally motivated by deep resentment or anger, is particularly damaging to a love story and especially to a partner. “It tells your partner that you think you’re superior and that you have very little regard for them, which is a guaranteed way to make them feel worthless or mediocre,” warns Mark Travers.
Take a flight
Very often, contempt results in avoidance, which consists of an abrupt withdrawal from any interaction with the partner. In this state, the fatigue or anger towards the other person is so strong that we decide not to listen to them anymore and let them know very clearly, through gestures such as avoiding the other person’s gaze, laconic dialogue without disguising the lack of interest, or even over-investment in activities outside the couple. describes the psychologist. In the eyes of the latter, this is a behavior that is difficult for the other party to oppose. “It’s not conducive to problem solving or reconciliation,” notes Mark Travers. A partner who experiences this has no one else to talk to and therefore no progress toward reconnection.”
Source: Le Figaro
