“Stop wasting energy fighting them.” the psychologist’s key to managing the negative emotions that overwhelm us.

Sadness, anger, resentment… When negative emotions overwhelm us, the desire to brush them under the carpet is sometimes uncontrollable. But running away is not the solution. British psychologist Julie Smith, who has 2 million subscribers on Instagram, points out this in a video published on her account on June 10. He gives his advice to manage negative emotions and thus relax faster.

Accept the feelings

“When emotions overwhelm you, it’s like pouring ink into water,” he paints at the beginning of the video, pouring a drop of ink into a glass. “It quickly becomes more and more intense until you can’t clearly see anything else. Everything in your life is suddenly tainted with this feeling that you don’t want to have,” she describes as the color spreads until the water turns black.

The first instinct will be to want to escape. According to the specialist, many patients expect that therapy will teach them how to get rid of negative emotions. In fact, we learn to “allow to be there and welcome,” he emphasizes. Paying attention to your feelings allows you to see them as they are. “a simple experience, a sensation that goes through you.” According to Julie Smith, “looking at our feelings with interest” allows us to “not waste energy fighting them.” So when we stop trying to block or control the emotion, it “can follow its natural course” and “disappear over time.”

In the title of his publication, the British psychologist adds some advice for dealing with painful emotions: The first is to identify its blocking mechanisms. For example, our reflexes might be to open the fridge to look for something sweet or to watch TV for hours. Being aware of this will later allow us to recognize our feelings. Furthermore, Julie Smith invites us to “find the words to describe what we feel and write them down.” It’s a useful way to step back and relax, he concludes.