“The trap. Distribution of Mrs. Cady and Mr. Carr. as a couple, how to better share finances?

We often prefer to keep the subject at a distance, to preserve the romantic ideal and a certain lightness. However, talking about money and possessions within a couple is a necessity and even a proof of love. First, in the case of a salary gap, it is better than 50/50 to split the expenses in proportion to their income or according to what each person wants to save. Which, by the way, reminds us of the importance of not relying on a single account. one or more individual savings accounts allow you to manage your own savings, allow you to spend a lot for pleasure… “Then the trap is Classic “Madame Caddy, Mr. In the Car distribution, women are more likely to pay for perishables—groceries, school supplies, etc.—that they capitalize on only when men buy the car and pay off the loans. And invest along the way,” warns journalist and coach Lucille Quille, author of Pay the price (1).

Hence the importance of talking about it regularly, to identify a gap that we allow to grow without seeing it, getting caught up in the maelstrom of days. After all, since women are taking more time off work to care for children, why not envision compensatory mechanisms? “We can redistribute the shares of the apartment or decide to transfer monthly from the husband to the wife, as if he were paying a nanny, to help her save for him,” suggests Lucille Quile. All of this is to recognize the value of the available time he offers his spouse, which he capitalizes on by advancing his career. A way to keep the gap from getting bigger until it becomes a gap in case of separation.

Avoiding the financial pitfalls of divorce

For women, separation often means impoverishment. their standard of living drops by almost 30% on average, compared to 4% for men, according to INSEE. “This is especially due to the reverse calculation used during divorce, which the authors of the document have shown very well. Gender of capital (2), continues Lucille Quillen. More than justice, we strive for what a man can give without harming his property, and what a woman can be satisfied with. Often, in order not to turn an already painful separation into an open war. But at the risk of dangerous impoverishment for both mother and children, entrusted to their mother in three-quarters of the cases; In France, mothers represent more than four out of five single-parent families, with 34.5% living below the threshold. poverty.

That’s why it’s important not to underestimate what we own, such as shares in the family home or, in the case of a community property marriage, half of the ex-spouse’s assets or business. You still need to know where the capital is located. we return to the importance of having the same level of knowledge. “The allowance is also often calculated based on what the gentleman can afford to pay at time T,” points out Lucille Quille. But some women prefer not to need a monthly payment. Especially since €25,000 at once is not the same as €400 per month over eight years, the maximum duration or €38,400. Here, too, it is essential to ask yourself what you need.”

(1) The price to pay. what are women’s straight couples worth?, Lucile Quillet, editions les Liens qui Libération, 228 pages, €19. Available at placeselibraires.fr.

(2) Gender of capital, by Céline Bessière and Sybille Gollac, editions La Découverte, 324 pages, €14. Available at placeselibraires.fr.