Women spend 22 hours a week alone with their children. Why is it urgent that men work less?

Get home from work at 8pm, after classes, homework and dinner. After 10pm, sit back in front of your computer to answer final emails. Having breakfast with the phone in your hand, your eyes glued to your diary… Work overflows, invades home and family time, interferes with couples’ discussions or parents with children. Even more so among managers and executives, the majority of whom are men; 52% of male executives and 59% of female executives believe they often or sometimes have an overwhelming workload, according to the October Apec 2023 report.

If men can suffer from demanding jobs, their partners must compensate for their absence. Because of the lack of childcare, women spend an average of 22 hours alone with their child between 8 a.m. and 7 p.m. Monday through Friday, compared to less than 5 hours for fathers, according to research published by Drees last March 5. But even in the evening, women devote too much time to their families, to the detriment of their careers or even their social lives, warns Antoine de Gabriel, co-founder of the consulting firm Companieros, which has been supporting companies for thirty years. years in their gender equality policies. He protects, in Emancipation as a couple. couple, work and equality (1) the urgency to slow men down… to liberate women.

Madame Figaro. – What do men’s work hours have to do with women’s careers?

Anthony de Gabrieli. – It directly affects the couple’s life, thanks to the system of communication vessels between each person’s work time and private life. As soon as one spouse works hours that do not fit into traditional family life, the other must necessarily compensate and take on most of the responsibilities. And we are not talking about an extravagant schedule. you just have to leave the office at 19:30 and get home at 20:00 so most things are already taken care of by your partner or carer; home, if you have the means and desire. If one is overworked, the other is necessarily underworked unless they make very specific personal life choices.

So it’s a matter of taking men’s foot off the gas.

Yes, necessarily, especially since they occupy most of the management positions. There are thousands of methods of reducing working time, more or less authoritarian. We can set a limit of 35 hours per week for everyone, including managers, which means eliminating the day pack or changing the status of manager, a deviation from labor law that allows you to work even at night or on weekends. We can also offer women as well as men 4/5 for family reasons, paid as full-time or support the creation of nurseries, the number of which in France should at least double. We have just 458,000 compared to 1.5 million in the UK. Just like boarding schools, which only accommodate 3.5% of high school students, which is completely inadequate. Another option would be the addition of dual control stations, which are already in place and working. Senior executives and members of management committees often work 60 to 80 hours per week. Why not split these positions between two employees?

However, this will increase labor costs for business…

Note that in the case of a double order, the time and salary are divided by two. 35 hours for everyone would have a cost, yes, but amortized by eliminating RTT. Ultimately, this all begs the question of the society we want: do we really want to see equality between women and men or not? If so, let’s act in the direction of eliminating specific obstacles. If not, let’s forget it.

But doesn’t this require a profound cultural shift?

I think we overestimate the influence of culture and underestimate the concrete, practical aspects. In France, 97% of parental leave is taken by women. And for good reason: in most couples, the man earns more. Absence means risking a significant loss of income. On the other hand, in companies that offer paternity leave without loss of pay, for example, almost 100% of fathers take it. Likewise, I bet a lot of men would move to 4/5th if she was paid full time. Studies show that 70% of men, compared to 30% of women, feel they don’t have enough time to devote to their family. The demand for men is there, and it’s big. What they don’t want is to lose money in the process.

What will they gain from these changes?

A more stable life for couples, a deeper relationship with children, quite simply. Overwork is one of the reasons for couples’ conflict and separation. A study carried out ten years ago by Ifop for the association Samedi-c-papa, which I created, has already shown: with professional overinvestment, men’s first concern was the weakening of their relationships.

However, things are moving. So where do you think France is?

Undoubtedly, the corners are rounded. But, just as surely, the problem has not been solved because the companies refuse to solve the working hours. Reducing it means giving up some of the profitability. This central issue is not resolved at all. We are in favor of cosmetic measures, such as workshops to help women gain self-confidence or to negotiate better, women’s networks or mentors… We have asked women to adapt, but we have never tried to include. Result? Mothers shoulder 70% of family responsibilities, a remarkably stable share. For this rate to change, men need to get more involved. We must take into account the fact that 71% of French people live as a couple and therefore they are exposed to this system of communicating vessels. However, the world of work was created by men to maximize other men’s work time.

I am sure that the number of births will be affected by a less tense and temporally combative environment

This issue of working hours sometimes seems like the debate of the century…

Yes, but it’s less a matter of downsizing than realizing that as it stands, we’ll never achieve equality, we’ll always see couples breaking up and birthrates falling. I am sure that a less stressful and less conflicting environment in terms of time would have affected the number of births. Life for executive couples today is too complicated, too stressful. In too many companies, constant emergency situations are considered normal, a way to “stress the organization.” It’s a toxic and anti-couple management style. 20 years ago, the HR director of a large French IT group told me: “I want maximum stress, blood on the walls and divorces.” He wanted his teams to do their job and nothing else. But for what? Why would the company ask for so much?

(1) Emancipation as a couple. Couple, work and equality, by Antoine de Gabrieli, editions du Rocher, 200 pages, €17.90. Available at placeselibraires.fr.