“We missed the gland option, it’s written on our face.” should we think we are ugly when we succeed?

“I accidentally met my reflection in the mirror. I wanted to cry,” a friend wrote to me the other day. His message saddens me without surprising me. How many brilliant women who are rising professionally, and sometimes quite high, have I heard this phrase? How many talented friends wrote it to me? when I wasn’t, let’s be honest, who sent this SMS… My job takes me every day to meet exceptional and often admirable women. Who leads an intense professional and personal life at the same time. Complete the work of three people in one week. Of course, fatigue must do its job, marking their faces. But when I look at them, I don’t see them. I find these women magnificent and inspiring. With their demands, their energy, their intelligence to combine roles and existence. How do they still find time to be so elegant? “You’re not being objective,” they object when I compliment them. “I look like a big horse,” says one. “My face is collapsing under my wrinkles,” adds another, when he doesn’t conclude. “I am the syringe call.”

There are people who find themselves “too much”. And the majority who consider themselves “not enough”. Float the words “boring”, “invisible” in the middle, like regrets drowned in cold water. Obviously, since there are much more serious things going on in the world and we are not saving lives, the discussion takes on a tinge of laughter. We drive away bad suffixes with a wave of the hand. But still. How do women, myself in the first place, who have learned so much over the last ten years, build careers and families with all that involves working on themselves, expanding their skills, ability to manage complexities… end up feeling so small when it’s about talking to their physical.

“We Missed the Gland Version”

Is it the habit of demanding that has become a driving force that has spread to all areas of life? The obsession with perfection. The invisible thread of self-criticism that weaves its web like an inflexible internal judge. Of course. I also think that in every successful woman, especially when she has followed an intellectually demanding path, there is an image of a former upper class, an image of this young woman, often different, who remains within her as a burden. You would have to spend a lot of time in your books, and even today, many more hours behind your computer than at the hairdresser or manicurist, let alone at Le Bon Marché, to understand what I mean. “We missed the gland version, this is what is written on our faces,” sums up the friend. He’s not necessarily wrong. Since when has he not had coffee on the terrace at 4pm? How long has it been since she tried on a dress? The Internet, in this way, is practical. online shopping lets you dream, not look at yourself in the mirror.

One day, after a nice text he sent me thanking me for dinner, and following my condescending reply, one of my friends got really angry. He was angry at my inability to see who I had become. Did I just let it out, exist? “When will you leave this precious friend alone?” he told me His question disarmed me. When I read it, I told myself that he was right. That I had wasted enough time and energy with these old reflexes. That if I managed to make friends with myself, confident in my abilities, I could be confident in my body as well. I write for all of you who read me. our character, our temperament, our health have been our most valuable strengths in our lives. Now is the time to consider ourselves a friend of our appearance.

My diagnosis.

If you also feel like an ugly duckling that has not yet become a swan, you can:

– Reread Montaignewhich encourages respect”the friendship that everyone owes each other“.

– Buy the latest work by renowned psychiatrist Christophe André Appreciate yourself and forget yourself, Ed. Odile Jacob (everything is said). Understand how self-esteem can become a breath of our spirit. Breath, that is, a spontaneous, natural, invigorating dimension. And which we don’t always think about.” Not the result of a battle against oneself, but a breath of life, somehow.

– Sanctuary moments on your schedule, as recommended by Judith Levy (Oh my Cream) and Justin Rist (YouTube France) in the Madame Figaro Business Masterclass on Time Management. Thinking of yourself as ugly is often a symptom of fatigue or lack of time for yourself. From a lack of investment in yourself. At a certain position level, devoting two hours per week to the diary becomes essential to performing better.

– Give a gift when you succeed in something that cost you time and energy. Action, hard project: hop, a pair of shoes, a bag, a small LED mask 😉 It’s a way to fill the tank. And that’s all the damage you’d want in a friend, right?

– Listen to your caring friends, when people tell you they think you’re beautiful. This is not necessarily hypocrisy or compassion. But it is often true. Knowing how to listen to it should be a game changer…

Until the next letter to ponder.

“Loving yourself is the beginning of a love story that will last a lifetime” – Oscar Wilde.

“You must learn to love yourself, this is my doctrine, with a complete and healthy love, so that instead of wandering everywhere you remain fixed in yourself.” Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus spake Zarathustra.

“The world will see you the way you see yourself and treat you the way you treat yourself.” Beyonce.