Flowers, wine, chocolate… what should you bring when you’re invited? Two etiquette experts give their advice on how to thank guests and what mistakes to avoid.
Flowers, wine, chocolate… What to bring when invited? If we want to avoid any strangeness, we must respect some underlying rules that have been formed according to customs. “In the past, guests didn’t bring anything, but thanked their host with a return invitation, usually within the next two weeks,” explains Genevieve d’Angenstein, director of the Paris Business Eticetet and author of the book. Good behavior is a game (1). Not offering anything to the hosts is now considered rude, and to avoid making mistakes, according to the expert, you should follow the guide: Details.
Define your relationship with the host
In order to offer a suitable gift, it is necessary to define the nature of the invitation. “We are not going to bring the same thing to a formal dinner as to a dinner with friends,” immediately comments the founder of the training courses, Anne Debard. EAF – French Etiquette and Etiquette Trainer for Palaces and Hotel Schools. Second, we wonder about our relationship between host and guest; “If we are close to the person in question, we can ask if they would like us to bring something specific, for example, a bottle of wine,” answers the specialist. Otherwise, it is the guest’s choice. the host is already gesturing to dinner. Be careful, “the idea is not to outdo each other by bringing too extravagant a gift,” says Anne Debard.
A personal touch even for a formal dinner
To find the ideal gift for a formal dinner, Anne Debard recommends relying on the seasons; “For example, on holidays I prefer a box of chocolates, an assortment of teas or even a selection of regional dishes.” Gifts are also offered by Geneviève d’Angenstein; “We prefer quality over quantity. It is better to have a box of ten selections of chocolates than thirty mediocre ones,” claims the etiquette expert.
Despite the formality of the meeting, we can also allow ourselves a personal touch, – emphasizes the specialist. For example, if we are greeted by a pastry lover, we prefer a book on that topic.
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Flowers, but not always
Timeless, like a bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers is often a special gift. However, he is not always welcome. “Bringing a composition to dinner is the worst thing you can do to a host,” claims Genevieve d’Angenstein. Indeed, in the context of a meal where many guests are invited, the host or hostess risks inconveniencing their organization by having to find a vase for them, for example. On the other hand, it is customary to send a bouquet the day after the invitation, “choosing a composition that matches the interior decoration of the host,” notes Anne Debard.
Wrong steps
Depending on the nature of the event, certain gifts should be avoided; “We avoid introducing champagne into the Beau Monde, at the risk of offering a bottle of much better quality than the host’s offer, and this clumsiness may cause embarrassment.” Anne Debard emphasizes.
Also, if we can afford to make personal gifts, there is a line that cannot be crossed. uncomfortable. It really isn’t always the intention that matters.
(1) Good behavior is a game , by Geneviève d’Angenstein, Éditions J’ai Lu, 96 pages, €4.
Source: Le Figaro
