Different rituals, amazing habits, complicated relationships. at the same time, discovering the Christmas traditions and emotional roots of your loved one’s family is not always easy. Here are some tips to make it through unscathed.
It’s a baptism of fire. And you won’t cut it anymore. After being in a relationship for a while, your partner suggests celebrating Christmas at his parents’ house. An invitation that is not trivial. this is often how we formulate a strong bond with our loved ones. But for the lucky one, it’s also a chance to discover that no, not all Christmases are the same at Mom and Dad’s. Determined to make a good impression, the “attached parts” must make an effort to accept everything with grace.
To avoid any awkwardness, Charlotte, 27, who has been in a relationship with Thomas for four years, has carefully prepared for her first Christmas with her fiancé’s family. “To avoid mistakes of taste, I chose her clothes, and she went to the hairdresser,” explains the young woman. Well informed on the non-negotiables of politics and money, Thomas was unanimous. “He was doing well, smiling, understanding everyone, and his natural discretion helped a lot too. My parents told me that he was “behaving very well”. Thomas found that it was a lot of preparation and stress for a simple family moment.
But it was still less than Charlotte’s first Christmas with the Thomas family the following year. The party turned into a fight between her fiance and her brother. “I didn’t take sides because it could escalate. I think my in-laws were grateful. Thomas would like me to support him. He decided we wouldn’t go back there for the holidays. This was my first Christmas with them, it will be my last.”
“Crazy pressure”.
It was also a disappointment for Elyan. About twenty years ago, she was looking forward to spending her first Christmas in Provence with her in-laws. At that time, he and his partner were to announce their engagement. “We didn’t know that there would be four of us: my in-laws, my future husband and me. Perhaps to make a good impression I spoiled my in-laws with a tablecloth and a cashmere sweater for my mother-in-law, a good whiskey and a weekly planner for my mother-in-law with lily socks… totally inappropriate; I only received a mini bottle of olive oil as a gift. I imagined my Christmas with candles, a real performance. It was a big disappointment.” Eliane warns. “There is no place for improvisation at Christmas. It’s better to know how it’s going to be before you go.”
“Even though we’ve been warned, we don’t really know in advance what will shock our partner,” recalls Tanguy, a Parisian executive who joined her in-laws in 2016, aged 29, after dating for two years. Elise, a young journalist three years younger than him. Deciding to behave like an ideal future son-in-law, he reaches his father-in-law’s house and offers to help in the kitchen and starts cutting carrots. “My grandmother and aunt suddenly reprimanded me. I’m going to make you the boss.” So I was shown how to cut a carrot into thirds with the correct circumference. Crazy pressure.” A joke that still makes him laugh and that doesn’t stop him from returning to the holidays with pleasure.
On his wife’s mother’s side, his in-laws are divorced, Christmas takes on even crazier guises. “They gave a theme: George Sand’s Christmas. Messages are circulating in the WhatsApp group. I’m not sure I understand if you have to dress up. Is one accessory enough? What is an accessory that Musset represents?
What about table manners? “Everyone in the house participates,” explains Louise, 45. Whereas among my in-laws, the matriarch does everything. None of the men in the house got up to even clear the plates. I was torn between my guest status and wanting to help my mother-in-law. I tried to do something in between. Apart from cleaning my father-in-law’s plate, it was beyond my power.”
Prepare “like a business meeting”
“The first Christmas with the in-laws is like a business meeting. To make a good impression, you need to find out a little beforehand, advises Tik Tok etiquette specialist Marie de Tilly and @comtessemarie. What is the dress code? How will the evening go? Is it a big dinner? Will we worship? Whose side is the family on? But even with these small precautions, it’s best to remember that anything can happen at Christmas.
Dynamic mother Isabelle remembers her first Christmas at her in-laws’ house like it was yesterday when she was a very young woman in her 20s. “Before dinner, there was a big argument between my mother-in-law and my mother-in-law. He tried to strangle her with pantyhose. Thirty years later, we’re still talking about it.” Outside of this dark affair, it was the first time Isabel had celebrated Christmas outside of her family. “But at home in Provence, everything revolves around midnight mass. We have soup for dinner, we go to church, and when we go out, we drink hot chocolate and taste the thirteen desserts. At my husband’s house, everything revolves around dinner. New Year’s Eve with foie gras and champagne, I had seen it in commercials, but I didn’t understand how we could have Christmas without putting religion at the center of the celebration.
Humor and perspective
You have been warned. For those who still want to make a good impression, Marie de Tilly recommends offering the recipient or couple “a big box of quality chocolates.” And to avoid giving your loved one an expensive gift in front of all the cousins who are going to exchange scented candles;
The etiquette specialist advises the new groom or bride to be interested in everyone, not to talk too much about themselves and to respond diplomatically. “We don’t show our differences, but everything doesn’t have to be wonderful. There’s no point in going overboard, it sounds fake. The best thing is to be an enriching person who adds a little positivity to the evening.
As for new in-laws, they are advised not to bombard the newcomer with questions and avoid humiliating their loved one by bringing up embarrassing family anecdotes. “We have to be interested in him, but we have to be discreet and skillful, recalls Marie de Tilly. The idea is to calm him down. So this is also not the time to ask intimate or painful questions. Summarizing, “you need humor, perspective, and selflessness. Just because you’re entertaining doesn’t mean you’re the greatest family in the world. Everything should remain light, like champagne bubbles.
Source: Le Figaro
