Charlotte Montpessat. “At 50, like a teenager, you have to find what you want to do with the rest of your life.”

He worked behind the scenes of the TV channel for a long time. Canal +, but for several years, 57-year-old Charlotte Montpezat found another way: she became a psychoanalyst and coach. And to this renewed existence he simply added an additional brick in the form of a book. The Flamboyants, whose words come from his own experience. In 200 rather lively pages, she tells about the destiny reserved for women over fifty.

His essay is both an observation and a manual for finding ways to break out of the dictates that society places on those who qualify as seniors after age 45. And who, therefore, live in a much stronger term than that which applies to men. Meets a few steps from his home, in a cafe in Montparnasse, where he had his habits from a very young age, and where he is asked about ways to reinvent his life as he approaches fifty and beyond.

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45 years old already.

Madame Figaro-. Where did the idea and desire to write this book come from?
Charlotte Montpessat -. On my 45th birthday, I got a letter on my desk from HR saying I was now a senior. I didn’t understand, I accepted it as a shelf when I felt very young at the age of 45. Like many women, I had an unstable career. I had worked overseas, had several jobs, and was barely finding stability when the news broke. And there I felt that grass was pulled out from under my feet, cut off.

Why write?
After about ten years of having to manage a divorce, raising children, training, I realized that what I had hoped for was a reality. I saw all around me the devastation it caused. I began to investigate. The reason for that was because it wasn’t about me, there was a public entity there. There was nothing shameful about the written ego. there was a sense of urgency, a struggle.

You speak of it as violence that no one is prepared for…
Not prepared at all, no. I was sitting on my 12 inch heels, relaxed. Moreover, a bouquet of flowers, which my lover had left for me, was waiting for me at my desk that day. I was totally unprepared to be called a senior. This warning to you in 45 applies to both men and women. But men don’t take it too badly. Women are different, which brings us back to the question of their expiration date, and even if I felt young at 45, there was probably already the specter of menopause and all the anxieties and fears it brings.

It’s like a new era, and it’s a crazy time

Charlotte Montpessat

You still show hope…
There is hope because times have changed. I was amazed while writing the book. I re-read feminist texts and what Simone de Beauvoir wrote at 40 about the old age she saw coming and then the depression she had at 50. This woman who ruined everything stumbled on the question of the age of women. He’ll come back to it later. But still…the difference between Beauvoir and us is another 20 years of life expectancy, and my hypothesis is that these 20 years are at the end of life; 50 and 70, which are a new area of ​​women’s life. the way we age has changed, much more so than men’s. We no longer take care of ourselves in the same way, we treat ourselves differently, we live differently.

new freedom

How to define this additional area of ​​life?
It’s like a new era, and it’s a crazy time. I have a lot of 45-year-old friends who dread turning 50, and I tell them it’s the best part of life because we know where we’re at. Grown up, we have more money than we did in our 20s, more free time, even if we know we won’t make any more wealth than we “didn’t do before.” It’s a new form of freedom and no doubt also very disturbing… If we manage to manage this new freedom, that’s great.

What place does the body have in all these matters?
The issue of the body is central when we talk about aging, and even more so when it comes to women; their appearance, the object of narcissism, gets hit first. When women’s bodies change, they are less valued. And they lose confidence in themselves. Especially those who have been beautiful from a very young age and who are totally watching in their 50s. I’m not making this up, Susan Sontag wrote about this. It’s not the same for men at all. They are not expired at the age of 50, but highly valued from the point of view of seduction.

There is a youth of old age

Charlotte Montpessat

How to restore desire after 50 years?
When I hear desire, I understand Lacanian desire. libido, the impetus for life. To the extent that it opens up in the newly available time, one must redistribute one’s desire, dedicate it to different things. For example, all life impulses that have been placed in children so far in a certain type of activity must be questioned and it can be moved elsewhere. How to do a good psychoanalysis? (Is laughing) Or rather, everyone has to find their own way, like when you’re a teenager. you have to find what you want to do with the rest of your life.

Does life after 50 begin with a new youth?
It is not impossible. There is a youth of old age, in a way. Singer and actress Helena Noguera explains that you have to invent the character you are going to be. In your 40s or 50s, you have to invent the lady you will be twenty years from now…

With what tools? How are we equipped for this?
The psychoanalyst that I am answers with psychoanalysis. But more broadly, you need to realize the range of possibilities. As long as it is crucified, as long as we do not make a story out of it for ourselves, nothing can happen. The first is to see that there is an area that needs to be cleared and allow yourself to be what you want to be after the time you are assigned. Then you need to work on yourself, on your desire, to know exactly in which area you want to invest.

You are yourself, you are reinvented, transformed. How did you do?
It is being prepared. The real story is that I fell in love with psychoanalysis and I planned my conversion twenty years ago. Because I knew I had to work until the end of my days. I had a crappy career, worked outside, didn’t contribute as much as I should have, got divorced, worked as a black man when I was young, etc… So I knew very early on that I needed to find a job that I could hold until the end. But I was working in television and I realized that it would not last my whole life. And so I told myself at 55 that I still have the strength to make this switch, which takes a lot of courage, all the same. But I had desire, strength, energy, health. So it was time to do it. That said, everyone has a story, and you shouldn’t be discouraged by those who didn’t make it. I think that everyone has a hidden desire, which starts from childhood and towards which we should definitely work, search.

People in their 50s and 60s are as fully sexually active as younger people

Charlotte Montpessat

“Elsewhere” to himself

What advice can you give to those who want to change their lives?I often give this advice: you should always have a plan B, an escape. I know it sounds a bit like a horror movie, but the business world is extremely tough. It’s exciting, but it can be very brutal. My two ways to survive in business are to never make yourself a slave, but to use the business to do what you want as long as it also serves the ultimate purpose of the business, and then, first of all, always have a way out. , if only in the mind. And that, so that you can say to yourself: if tomorrow ends, this is what I will do. It is important to think like this.

It is a philosophy of life. is there always another place?
This is the condition of freedom. We cannot put our destiny in the hands of one person, much less an organization that we know will develop, but not knowing how and if it will be in our direction.

And sexuality? does it matter in these considerations how we develop after 50?
This question arises because it invades the press, mass media. it’s a question that is everywhere. But in real life I’m not sure it comes up that much. At that age we know each other better. People in their 50s and 60s are as fully sexually active as younger people. Thank you very well! (Laughter)

Charlotte Montpessat, the flamboyantsÉquateurs Editions, 208 pages, €21.

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