Far from regretting their infidelity, some women claim to feel freer, more fulfilled and happier in their relationships. David Lees/Getty Images
Cheating can also be a rediscovery of the self and the couple. American writer Susan Shapiro Barash tells about this after 30 years of interviews with unfaithful women. He returns to these testimonies in an episode of the podcast Sex and psychologyMay 16.
Betrayal does not always lead the couple to the end, on the contrary. At least, this is what the American writer Susan Shapiro Barash noticed through her work. For 30 years in the United States, the author has interviewed women who cheated on their partners. Far from regretting their infidelity, many of them claim to feel freer, more fulfilled and happier in their relationships. Their testimonies spawned a book, Passion for more. things that make or break us (More passion. ties that make or break us in french), published in October 2022 by Meridian Publications. Tuesday, May 16 in an episode of the podcast Sex and psychologySusan Shapiro Barash, moderated by psychologist and Kinsey Institute researcher Justin Lehmler, reports and analyzes these confessions against clichés.
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A loose word
Susan Shapiro Barash readily admits that infidelity among women is now as common as among men. And judging by the many testimonials he received for his work, adultery is also increasingly suspected. “They are now less dependent on their husbands financially and socially, women cheat more today than they did a few decades ago,” notes the author at the podcast microphone. Sex and psychology. Word seems to have gotten out, and testimonials of positive scam experiences have spread. In most cases I’ve followed, they feel entitled to this relationship, needy, and not guilty.”
(renegotiation) tool
According to the writer, who is also a specialist in gender differences, adultery is not systematically perceived as a means of defeating the couple. Some women have told him they see it as a tool to reexamine the terms of their original relationship. “Women know very well how to hide the traces of their relationship. If they decide to let their partner know, it’s because they want to express a need, notes Susan Shapiro Barash. They say, for example: “I had an affair, it allowed me to see what I was missing and that I would like to succeed with you.” And add: “Men today seem more open to such requests.”
Balance within and outside the couple
Also, a significant number of women interviewed by Susan Shapiro Barash report finding a new satisfying balance by taking on a lover. “They get something out of their different relationships. They feel more fulfilled, which even improves the health of their relationships, she says. This allows them to respond to all their needs, both outside and inside their couple.
Getting out of a toxic relationship
For other cheating women, cheating was also a way out of their dysfunctional relationships. “Sometimes it is thanks to their lovers that they are able to put their finger on their lack. The lover then serves as a bridge to the exit, even as the final destination, if it is with them that they continue their journey,” concludes Susan Shapiro Barash.
Source: Le Figaro
