Women on Twitter never interrupt our days with their bright and pointless wit. Every week, HuffPost Women collects her funny thoughts.
Scroll down to this week’s awesome women’s tweets below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for previous reviews.
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Once in college, I went crazy with a guy who rejected me, I renewed my Facebook status to “who cares” and only a week later I realized I had posted it on the anniversary of 9/11.
– lexaprofessional (@queasy_f_bby) April 12, 2022
Stop glamorizing The Hustle and start embellishing any lifestyle pic.twitter.com/DWZhPYw8A4
-Grace Jarvis (@gracejarvisohno) April 13, 2022
The plumbing works in our house. I just heard one of them say: “Left free, tight tight”. I know we are in good hands.
– Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) April 12, 2022
One of the greatest joys in my life was when Jeff called the vet to make an appointment and they asked him his name and he said Jeff. Then they asked our cat’s name and I watched him draw his strength before I told them, little Jeff.
– Brittany Means (@BrittanyMeansIt) April 13, 2022
Today is my brother’s party. We discussed my brother’s middle name, Arturo (Spanish: Arthur).
Mom: There’s a famous Star Wars character he likes in Peru called “Arturito”, so we go.
Me: Wait, R2D2 do you mean ?!
Dad: Yes, robot.
?? !!!
–
(@rachy_) April 10, 2022
The presence of the mother must be wild. You go through pregnancy and childbirth and the years of raising a poor helpless baby and then they become adults only to be called every day with the questions “Hello, put the apples in the fridge?”
– Karen Chi (@karencheee) April 13, 2022
Do you think they smiled inside the Trojan horse?
– LJ
(@crotchner) April 14, 2022
I once sat in the elevator with 5 strangers and the woman ran away at the last second. Instead of helping, we watched the doors close. I said, “Okay. I didn’t like it ”and I thought it was a good laugh. No. When I walked 10 floors in extreme silence, they locked me up even more
– Hi, I’m Ebia. Yes (@abbycohenwl) April 11, 2022
Once on the plane I had three babies crying and the most annoying while on the flight was a 60 year old couple next to me who kept squeezing their fingers in their ears.
– Ariel Dundas (@ArielleDundas) April 13, 2022
It’s hard to be a psychotherapist. Not because of the intensity of the work, but because the client gave an ultimatum and I couldn’t be like Bitch, let’s talk about it.
– Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 13, 2022
I still can’t believe the woman came into my direct messages and said “Your ex ___a” and I was “ok” and I was expecting a juicy goose and instead she was “toxic if it looked normal” and I is like, Like, “yes that’s normal” anticlimax, iced tea, zero star
– dana bad (@baddanadanabad) April 12, 2022
Microdosing Catholicism throughout the day with a vague sense of shame for no particular reason
– Trash Jones (@jzux) April 13, 2022
It was 2011. I was 18 years old. I was training, I asked dad if I could take a vacation with friends on Sunday. Eventually I took courage and asked questions. Give me a heart !!!! He looked at me and then said: “I want to see a movie that bears his name”
– tg (@__sxzhr) April 10, 2022
It has an hourglass figure, constantly walking on that sand, reminding me of death. His doctors insisted, stop eating this sand, you will die
– Pigeon lovers (@isabelzawtun) April 11, 2022
Dmv seems to have forgotten to bring a declaration of independence
– Sandra
(@ sandra32gonza) April 14, 2022
Too much body positive in my diet. People are disgusting. The skin is rough. We have so many holes. Inside is a framework. It’s uncomfortable to see we’re just one in public.
– Emma Barry (@emmabarrie) April 14, 2022
ᲠHow was your day? I just picked up the phone to smell.
– Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) April 14, 2022
Pour one out for foods you missed because of ADHD
– Depressed Dika (@madblackdyke) April 13, 2022
I keep doing this when I touch my right shoulder, but I’m on the left https://t.co/RjsYkmJBdz
– Broti Gupta (@BrotiGupta) April 9, 2022
I massaged my client on her back and told her she had silky smooth skin and then I realized it could be scary so I panicked adding “I don’t want to make a lampshade or anything”
– This ugly work (@AubriePesky) April 15, 2022
Source: Huffpost
