Often, new styles of education turn into titles: horse education, helicopter education, free distance education. But in child psychology, based on the work of Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist, experts point out four main parenting styles – neglected, authoritarian, authoritarian and voluntary – that affect children’s growth and relationships. .
“Without purposeful thinking, parenting is often a combination of learned instincts derived from parental experience, habit and pattern,” said Rachel Robertson, vice president of education. Bright horizon. “It doesn’t mean the parent will stop any style naturally if it’s not perfect.”
He taught that parents can vary from one style to another depending on the situation and, with awareness and intention, can make informed choices and develop habits that will help them grow their habits. children the way they want.
“Just knowing effective parenting strategies can help a parent stop and act with purpose when they act differently in a natural or emotional way,” Robertson explains. “Parenting is an instant activity, but it also refers to a long game: parents are raising people we all expect to be collaborators, to be leaders, to be lifelong learners and to be teachers. inherit. . “
HuffPost spoke with Robertson and family therapist Kelly Oriard to explain the four parenting styles and how each approach works for children.
negligent
The[Neglectful] “The style is generous and involved,” Robertson said. “This style can be intentional or unintentional, depending on the parent.” Communication, interaction and participation in activities are limited “.
To better understand neglected parenting and the other three styles, it is important to consider the emotional climate, which is usually the mood and general perception of the family and the dynamics of the relationship within it.
“For kids, the emotional climate, especially the hot emotional climate, is that your educator wants to be involved in your interests, support you, cheer you up and be responsible for your needs,” he said. by Oriard, who is a co-founder. . Slamberkin, An educational brand dedicated to emotional learning. “It might feel like a hug to read their favorite story or support them after something like this doesn’t happen.”
Neglected parenting style has low emotional warmth because this type of caregiver has a low level of relationship with the child.
“When disciplined, these parents tend to go for more rigorous approaches and offer little explanation,” Oriard said. “This parent is like a boss you hardly see at work. Eventually you learn and realize this because direction and interaction are minimal. So, when you make a mistake because of low level of management, your boss will get angry and throw it at you in front of your colleagues and superiors. “
He notices that this type of boss doesn’t look back and doesn’t move you, you can be fired and leave you afraid of making mistakes in the future. A careless parent can leave similar negative feelings.
“Unfortunately, kids with careless parents tend to have a lot of problems as they grow up,” Oriard said. “These children may have mental health problems associated with depression and anxiety, may have poor social skills and may be prone to drug use in the future.”
authoritarian
“Authoritarian parents expect their children to listen, follow instructions and obey,” Robertson said. “This style is considered strict and disciplined. There is a lack of flexibility and high expectations of compliance.”
Like the neglected style of parenting, authoritarian parenting involves low emotional heat, but what differentiates it is a high level of need and control, terms referring to how parents try to control their own behavior. behavior and development. son.
“We all want to accept and value our children, and part of that is helping them navigate their social norms,” Oriard said. “When demand and control become a problem, when adults take an adult-oriented approach and try to control their child for their own sake, not for the child’s good.”
He noted that the combination of an authoritarian style with low emotional warmth and high demand can be particularly harsh and cold.
“Without emotional support, these children can struggle socially and suffer from mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression,” Oriard explains. “This is due to the fact that high demand without a hot emotional climate can create an environment that is not only about controlling behavior, but also about psychological control.” Psychological control. is more strict and uses shame and guilt to manipulate the child or force him to do what the caregiver wants or expects of him. “
In analogy to his office above, this scenario is like a boss who only cares about productivity and goals and is ruthless in how to achieve them. This boss doesn’t seem to care about the employee as a person and helps create a cold, cruel and harsh environment.
Mighty
“Authoritative parents set clear expectations and provide structure and tasks, but remain flexible,” Robertson said. “There is a clear dynamics of parents and children, but children are respected, listened to and chosen. Powerful parents are educators and trustworthy».
Research has shown that an authoritative style is more conducive to children’s development and, consequently, to a parent’s goals. It’s about creating a warm emotional climate with healthy, moderate and high levels of need and control.
“It’s the dress we all want to work on,” Oriard said. “It was a high standard, friendly and welcoming office with all their staff. They knew Susie got off the bike last week and looked at what it was. This boss had high expectations from all the employees. , but he has made it public and is willing to consider some trial cases if you think he will help you. “
A powerful parent for children is helpful, responsible and respectful. They are kind, caring, and loving, but they also set boundaries and have high expectations. They explain their reasoning and listen to their child’s point of view, even if they don’t agree with him or her.
“When high expectations are associated with a warm emotional climate, kids can thrive better,” Oriard said. “Although parental abandonment has many negative consequences, authoritative parenting is known as the style that produces the most positive outcomes for children.”
Accept
“Parent volunteers are warm and loving, but this style doesn’t have a lot of rules and structure,” Robertson said. “Sometimes this parent is called more of a friend than a parent. There is less direction or expectation, and children are given more autonomy and voice in most decisions. If the rules are in place, they will not be applied as often ”.
Voluntary education involves a warm emotional climate but little need and control.
“If their child hits your child on the playground, they’re not jumping in to correct the behavior, they just let him go and throw the kids away,” Oriard said. “It’s a boss in the office who doesn’t know what’s going on. They don’t have a lot of requirements and allow you to do your job. If you broke a great project, good and good. აფ Nothing to worry about. Shouting at your customer on the phone? No problem.”
He noted that children of volunteer parents have behavior problems and struggle with society.
“It can be a bit difficult for them at school or in a place where there are rules,” Oriard added.
Like other styles, this one is not fixed. There are practical ways to make changes from a less effective style to a more powerful one.
“If a parent tends to be more voluntary and has an informal schedule or unpredictable activities, it can be difficult for children as they use the routine and schedule to learn the patterns of the day, what to expect, how to feel safe and what they can do. ”You rely on it,” Robertson says. A volunteer parent can start by creating a consistent bedtime routine because they know it will help them grow. of the child.
However, even the best parents will not be 100% authoritative in cases. Everyone has days when they are less patient or more humble than usual.
“It’s nice to be flexible and do everything we can every day,” Oriard said. “Understanding these parenting styles is just a small window into how we educators can best support our children as they grow as wonderful adults. We can all hope that as they grow up. , our children will be caring, confident and strong members of our community. “
Source: Huffpost
