Interview – A psychologist listening to the league against cancer guidelines to communicate with his child as accurately as possible.
What words used? How to inform you as fairly as possible without masking reality, but without intimidation. After the shock of cancer’s statement, he returned to his child to inform his child, regardless of his age. “It’s better to do anything like nothing, and on the contrary, try to put words on what happens at home, Mathilde (1). Even children feel the stress, sadness and anxiety of parents (s). ” If there is no rule, and if everyone does everything possible and is especially possible, the specialist gives some precious communication advice.
Madame Figaro.- When to talk to your children (s) after a diagnosis of cancer.
Mathilde, a psychologist listening to the league against cancer. It all depends on the context in which the parent learns the news, and everything depends on his feelings. If the diagnosis was made immediately before the beginning of the weekend, for example, some find it difficult to hide their shock and choose to announce it without delay. On the contrary, if the child is missing from home, the schedule does not allow it or simply because they feel the need to gather alone, others will wait. The best thing is to keep yourself in time for yourself and your family, that is, when you can collect children if you have a few, everyone will be in front of you. And if we are in a relationship, I advise the topic to approach the topic above the terms of advertising.
When time comes, what words to choose?
You can say that the father or mother is sick, regardless of whether he will be treated by doctors, and that they will put everything to treat the disease. Everyone must choose to use the term “cancer”. In any case, it is good to approach a child what will change his habits. Thus, it can be informed about possible physical changes (fatigue brands, hair loss …). We can also talk about the impact that will be treated in everyday life and tell the child that we can no longer go and exit his activities.
Do these words need to be adapted to the child’s age?
Of course, if he is under 5 years of age, we can avoid medically. As for this age group, it may sometimes be necessary to assure that the child is not his fault … 5 years ago children work around them. As for the elderly, they have undoubtedly heard about the disease and may ask more questions after their parent’s statement. At that time, ideal is their information, while allowing them to express their feelings and ask the questions they want.
We can leave information to save your child but it is better to be careful not to kill him
Mathilde, a psychologist who listens to the league against cancer
You can accept your fears to your child.
It all depends on the person’s personality, some do not want to show their concerns and do not allow themselves to cry. It will be impossible to hide it for others. In this case, it is important to solve the theme of emotions with your child to put words about changes in our behavior. Because the child feels like himself. Without “I’m afraid of death,” we can trust that “this disease is difficult to accept” that you are not feeling very well. If you prefer to accompany psychologically, it may also be good to tell your child. “I’m sad but I’ll talk to someone.” This way we allow the child to worry less, and we will allow him to express what he feels.
Should we be completely transparent in the cancer stadium? Can we initiate the possibility of death?
If the child does not ask the question, it is not necessary to declare the stage of danger. Unless a parent feels the need to be completely honest. We need to be faithful to what we have been declared by the medical team and not give information that we do not have. If the doctor did not mention death in the short term, it would be better not to be afraid to him immediately. Except if the child is asking the question, in this case it is important to answer him. If he asks, “Are you going to die?” We can say that we are treated so that it does not happen. We can also ask him. “What question do you ask yourself and how do you feel about this?” Based on work that approaches the disease or death can help. This is stated that the element needs to be remembered. You can leave information to keep your child, but it is better to be careful that he does not interfere. In addition, feeling about what is happening around him, the child will later receive the information, surprising between adults. And learning bad news in this way will then be a great source of concern. He will create scenarios and imagines the worst. Without forgetting that he can live as a betrayal.
What effect can parent cancer have on family?
Organizing family changes every day and everyone’s roles can change. This is what prevents the sick person, but also the whole unit of the family. After the announcement, therefore, it is necessary to communicate about what will happen and what it is possible to use the situation inside the family. The reactions of each family member can vary. Whatever the child’s age is, the information is immediately digested. Questions and concerns can appear for several days or weeks. Therefore, the importance of being as attentive and dialogue as possible as possible.
There are signs of suffering in the child who should be warned.
Significant changes in behavior must be taken seriously. After the announcement, the child’s attitude may change. Some – often teenagers. Get back and pretend that nothing happened. Others seek school and do not make waves at home. ” Others will still pay attention to and express their concern. If you worry, the child can offer to have external psychological support. It may also be good to identify one or more resources in which the child has trust. Grandpa and grandparents, Friends of Uncle and Aunt, can say that he can talk to them at the same time asking adults to be afraid. In the same way, the educational team can be warned so that they can signal parents in case of changes in behavior. Finally, the cancer league has a green number, which can be called at any time if you feel it is necessary to accompany.
* The first name of privacy, the psychologist must be anonymous.
(1) The League against Cancer offers free, free, listening, anonymous and confidential number, 08 00 94 09 39.
Source: Le Figaro
