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Work like you don’t have kids, raise your kids like you don’t have a job. perfect parent syndrome

Learn to mourn perfection and find your balance. Getty Images:

Anne Peimirat, parenting expert, offers her advice on how to mourn perfection and find balance when being an active parent is always in demand.

It’s hard not to put pressure on yourself when you’re an active parent. Burn everywhere, sacrifice nowhere. you have to be perfect, listen to your child (his development, education, etc.) and keep improving through work. It is necessary to maintain a rising career. A double directive that is tried by the vast majority, but which remains taboo. everyone puts on a good face. That’s what prompted Anne Peimirat to write: parenting Miracle parents syndrome. Work like we don’t have kids and raise our kids like we don’t have jobs (Payot Editions). An empathic encounter.

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stop apologizing

Being an active parent is a reality for 8 out of 10 workers, and yet returning from maternity or paternity leave often remains difficult. Similarly, not apologizing for asking a “sick child” one day is a miracle for many. You have to prove to your employer and your child that you can do everything at the same time. Worse, you have to prove it to yourself, even if it means getting burned.

“The myth that we can work as if we don’t have children and raise our children as if we don’t have jobs weighs on our daily lives. In family life, you can live with a sense of guilt, and at work, a real rodeo of illegality. you feel like you have to prove yourself or do it again,” says mother of four Anne Peimirat, who has been a counselor for fifteen years. Accenture before becoming a parenting coach. “People I receive in sessions live under pressure, stress, guilt, everywhere they try to do their best, which is impossible, and therefore face failure. But no one talks about it, and the taboo feeds the syndrome. If the life of a working parent is particularly difficult, it’s because professional and personal life have long been diametrically opposed… from a gender perspective.

Escaping restraints

“It’s been less than sixty years,” Anne Peymirath notes in her book, “and the practice of perfect parenthood is no longer reserved for housewives, and, above all, that professional performance now also applies to women. Men are becoming more and more involved in children’s clothing, not only attending kindergarten, many attending parent-teacher meetings…” A very positive development of society, which, however, was the result of multiplying the pressure on their part. However, the mindset remains blocked, so many instructions become contradictory.

You should not apologize for leaving at 5 p.m. or make excuses about the children, and you should not refrain from asking for this or that job, including the coveted, post-maternity leave.

Anne Peimirat, parenting expert

“When an employee returns from maternity leave, a question often arises. “How will you organize with the children?” Even if it is auspicious, we always put the burden on him,” the author notes. Among many examples, she cites the case of a woman whose employer asked her to “not measure” while he continued to email her at all hours and give her new goals. It’s schizophrenic.

find the balance

In addition to observing the hard life of active parents, the parenting expert brings a method in his book, as in the case of any syndrome, its treatment. In order to better balance our family and professional lives, we must truly integrate that perfection does not exist (not just tell ourselves and not feel it), and choose to focus on what is important. We need to put an end to guilt and the feeling of always being in the wrong place. “What we manage to do every day while working and being parents is incredible,” continues Anne Peimirat. The syndrome is unthinkable and there are no miracle solutions. we need to vibrate a little to feel in the right place. We need to refocus to find the right balance, agree on priorities.” With mistakes. According to the expert, it is about resisting the impression of failure by staying in straight shoes. the birthday party wasn’t perfect because there was a file to close and it didn’t matter. “You should not apologize for leaving at 5 p.m. or make excuses about the children, and you should not refrain from asking for this or that job, including after the coveted maternity leave. It is up to us to impose our voice and model.”

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Source: Le Figaro

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