Pink or blue smoke bombs, fireworks, balloon arches… For some, the gender of the future baby is announced and celebrated with (very) great fanfare. Two experts analyze what the event tells about us.
There was a possible invitation in your inbox this morning “gender reveal party». Understand “unborn baby gender reveal” on Vostfr. The concept was born out of a 2008 Facebook post. Jenna Karvunidis, a blogger from California, said she made a pink pastry cream cake to announce the gender of her unborn child to her family. The video has been shared millions of times and the idea has become a hit among influencers. In 15 years, the way to reveal the baby’s gender has gone from a colorful cake to a baby shower, a big-budget spectacle. Balloons, umbrellas filled with pink or blue confetti, smoke bombs, fireworks, t-shirts and other personalized garlands are sometimes part of the decorations. In September 2022, a Brazilian couple even painted a natural waterfall blue. An investigation has been started in the Ministry of Environment.
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But what do these lavish celebrations say about us? Are they a foil for parents? And do they emphasize gender stereotypes, as their critics charge? We put these questions to psychoanalyst Monique Bidlowski, author Become a mother (1) and psychologist Liz Bartoli, author Coming into the world. Birth Rituals on the Five Continentss (2).
Madame Figaro: These celebrations reflect a genuine eagerness to knowthe gender of her unborn child. Where is he from?
Monique Bidlowski: From the popularization of ultrasound in the 1980s, which reinforced the need for waiting. In the past, we used to stick to predictions and get ideas to know the sex of the future baby. Thus, a pregnant woman’s belly can indicate a boy or a girl, depending on its more or less pointed shape. All this was not based on any scientific data, but answered the wishes of parents or family circle. Which could also be harmful, especially if the gender was not what was expected and the news jumped out at us on our birthday. By seeking to know the genre earlier, we thus offer ourselves time to “digest” the news, to plan for the immediate and the long term.
Liz Bartoli: We should also not forget that young parents mobilize their imagination a lot during pregnancy, especially during the first one. Some people, for example, from the first month imagine a little girl with curly hair, see how they hug her, smell her. Discovering gender through medical imaging also allows us to move away from fantasy and into the concrete; Thus, one recognizes the child as an individual. In Asia, this perception resonates more, as ancestral tradition requires that the nine months spent in the mother’s womb be taken into account to calculate a child’s age.
These presentations are a way to connect with birthing rituals
Liz Bartoli, psychologist
Balloon arch, colorful cake, fireworks, red carpet… What does this performance reveal?
LB- It responds to the human need to introduce the child to his environment, to the community from which he comes. These performances are also a way to reconnect with birthing rituals that have been suppressed by the medicalization of childbirth. And it is also an opportunity to make the child understand in the womb that he has his place in this world, to show how much he is expected and celebrated.
MB- Publicly announcing the future gender of the child, as if formulating a magical thought, is to say out loud and in the presence of loved ones that everything will be fine in the future, during childbirth and in it. regarding the child’s health. And the more successful the party, the more we hope, unconsciously in my opinion, to stave off bad luck and prevent the misfortune of a traumatic birth.
Couldn’t these parties be a foil for the parents?
MB- Of course, they are an invitation to themselves to recognize their new parenthood, appreciate it and validate it. And this occasion can also invite guests to imagine themselves as parents, appreciate or not appreciate this role. A scene from the Bible illustrates this very well. This is the moment when the Virgin Mary announces her pregnancy to her cousin Elizabeth. When the latter, who considered himself sterile, receives this news, he feels a shiver inside. Understand, Elizabeth was pregnant, but she needed the word of another woman with experience of pregnancy to recognize it and appreciate the news.
LB- Obviously, when the aesthetics of the evening are taken to the extreme, and parents want to outdo others; gender reveal parties, they do it for themselves and not for the child. And this is even more so when the event is posted on social networks. These have strengthened our parents’ self-esteem. From now on, you must not only respond to individual beauty orders, but also play the perfect family game. Not forgetting that for influencers these gender reveal parties hide the financial motives as well. the child’s gender becomes an excuse, greed for signing contracts and partnerships.
Pink candy for a girl, blue smoke for a boy. The resident of California, who started this trend in 2008, today regrets her gesture and blames them. celebrationsreinforce gender stereotypes. Do you think it is?
LB- I don’t think so. It is the behavior of parents after birth that can be problematic, especially since these stereotypes are still deeply ingrained in us. But the color coding of these parties is not, in my opinion, a threat to a child’s gender identity.
MB- I am well. Unconsciously or not, all parents tend to treat their children according to biological laws. Children also learn to talk about the gender norms and stereotypes that surround them. But even if a little boy is immersed from childhood in a universe filled with blue trucks, footballs, plastic guns instead of dolls, his gender identity will always belong to him, and he will be able to fulfill his wish if he wants to. exemption from these codes.
Social media has strengthened our parents’ self-esteem
Liz Bartoli, psychologist
Finally, these gender reveal partiesdo they have a real interest?
LB- Celebrating a pregnancy, sharing the happiness of being pregnant is quite commendable, but to focus so much on the gender of the baby seems to me to be a disinterested excuse, whether for the child or the relative.
MB- I share this opinion. Celebrating gender remains an opportunity for celebration and good humor. What worries me more is that gender reveal party confirms the fact that only the best is yet to come, that it does not take into account the risk of ultrasound error and obstetric accidents. All of this sounds presumptuous to me. Philosopher Hannah Arendt, however, warned us with these words: “A new world begins with every birth.” And in order to better prepare for it, one should be careful of magical thoughts.
(1) Become a motherBy Monique Bidlowski, published by Odile Jacob, 272 pages, €22.90.
(2) Coming into the world. Birth Rituals on the Five Continentsby Lisa Bartoli, published by Payot, 300 pages, €9.15.
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Source: Le Figaro
